Starting Treatment

* Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. Prov. 3:5&6 *

I have learned when things are going extremely well in your life, it is easier to stray away from God.  Before August 2013, I believed in God, but didn't have a strong relationship with him.  I didn't depend on him.  I remember after I graduated from BG (in May '11) I began my job search for a teaching job.  Yes, I prayed, but I didn't cast my cares to the Lord... I was a mess, a roller coaster.  I would get an interview, go to the interview, worry for weeks, and become disappointed with being turned down.  It was a cycle that happened many times, because I was turned down many times. When I realized I had to substitute teach for a year, I thought I had failed.  However, after subbing I realized that I benefited a lot from being in so many different classrooms.  The next Summer I was the same exact way... a roller coaster of emotions, until I was blessed with a job at Perry.  I learned that I grew a ton from teaching there and I had the chance to make a difference in my students' lives!  Again, throughout those two years, I believed in God and prayed to him, but I didn't fully trust in him.  Since August 2013, when I found out I had a brain tumor, I have begun learning how to trust in him (It is the only way I have stayed so positive and hopeful).  It hasn't been an easy journey, but I'm working on it.  Lately, satan has been causing me to worry about the brain tumor coming back years down the road.  Sometimes I will let my mind wander and think of different scenarios.  That is not trusting in God and not living day by day.  If I was Erica from two years ago, I wouldn't have even acknowledged that I wasn't trusting in God and I would make myself sick by worrying!  I have made strides in my relationship with God and I strongly believe that just like my substituting experience and my job at Perry, this journey will have a purpose.  I'm a work in progress! :)

Last week (10/7-10/12) was an amazing week for me!  My best friend from high school, Ann flew in from California for a short visit.  With Ann, it is like no time has passed when she visits!  On Wednesday she came over and we hung out.  We talked for hours... it was wonderful.  Then, on Friday I had a short visit from a high school friend named Abbie!  She brought me over a beautiful quilt that she made.  It is so special and I am so thankful for people like her that care about me!  She even sewed on a cross and the brain cancer awareness ribbon!  Thanks Abbie!  My other high school friend, Cassie, who has become one of my closest friends, came over.  Once Ann arrived to my house, we went to check out Cassie's new house!  We ate Pisanello's Pizza and again just talked and talked and talked...  

My weekend was really special, as well.  On Saturday, my family and I visited my Uncle Jim, who is fighting cancer and healing from a broken leg.  We went with my incredible Aunt Cindy and cousin Andy (Jim's wife and son).  I will tell you... seeing Jim was a relief.  His spirits are up and he looks great!  I think a lot of people feel relieved after seeing me too.  They imagine me to be bed ridden and when they realize I'm walking around pretty well and i'm the same old Erica, they are relieved.  Stay strong, Jim!  I love you!  After visiting Jim, my parents, Tarah, Garrett, Cindy, and Andy went to the Apple Butter Festival in Oak Harbor.  It was a lot of fun to spend time with Cindy and Andy.  We have all been through so much, so it was nice to let loose at the Apple Butter Festival.  When I say "let loose," I mean we ate the greasiest and most fried foods possible. haha!  Every time I go there, I scope out the corn dog stand.  They are hand dipped and fried!  :)  I had two... plus a little bit of an apple dumpling... oh and a grilled corn on the cob!  It's once a year, so I had to indulge!  Cindy and Andy-  I love you both so much!  You guys are strong and will get through this tough time!  We can all lean on one another!

By Sunday I was a zombie... from all my visits during the week and my outing on Saturday.  BUT... when Monday rolled around I was back in business.  First, my newly wed cousin, Kristen stopped over.  We chatted it up, since we really haven't hung out since late August.  She also gave me the cutest bridesmaid gift (even though I couldn't actually be a bridesmaid).  It is my face and name painted on a wine glass.  It is adorable!  Then, she got me a purse stuffed full of goodies.  (Thank you, Kristen.  I love you)!  Right after Kristen left, my friend Amy arrived!  Amy is my good friend that I met at BG.  My sweet Amy brought me hand-made crocheted winter hats.  They are adorable and I know I will use them, because my shaved head will get cold during the winter months!  (Thanks Amy)!  

Tuesday was a big transition day for me.  It was a quite overwhelming, but exciting!  First, I had a dry run of radiation.  I basically got to experience what radiation will be like without getting the treatment.  When my mom and I arrived at the  James Center, I got called into the appointment really quickly.  I was taken into a big room with huge equipment and lasers.  I laid down on flat and literally hard as a rock board.  Right away my anxiety sky rocket, because one of the technicians was looking at one of my incision scabs (a piece of my scab ripped off).  She said she is worried about the area where the scab ripped off, because the radiation can interfere with the healing.  She sent the other technician to get my Radiation-Oncologist doctor.  When he came in, he commented on the shiny-oozy stuff on the scabbed area.  My heart dropped and then I remembered I had put Neosporin on that area earlier in the day!  I told them and he said it should be okay.  I was very relieved, because it could have potentially put off my chemo and radiation!  Next, they strapped my mask on and it was extremely tight.  The technicians told me that they would be taking a picture of my positioning in the mask to see if it aligned with the CT scans.  This will allow them to radiate the correct area.  It is really important that it is exactly aligned, because the area they are radiating is close to my optical nerves.  At the appointment, they had to reposition and take four separate pictures since my face wasn't exactly in the correct position in the mask.  It felt like it took forever, especially laying on that board.

The next part of my day was moving into Andrew's apartment.  Most of my belongings were already moved to Andrew's in August, so we didn't have to worry about that.  Until we know how I will react to the chemo and radiation, my mom will be living with Andrew and I.  I am so thankful for her!  She is driving me to my appointments, helping me recover, and keeping me company while Andrew is at work! :)  After getting settled in, my mom, Andrew, and I went to El Vaquero.  I am telling you, ever since my first craniotomy in August, I crave mexican food all the time!  It's the weirdest thing!  It was a good way to finish a big day!  

Today and yesterday were the real deal.  Both days (and every day for 6 weeks) my mom woke me up at 5:30 AM to give me anti-nausea medication.  I am supposed to take that one hour before I take my chemo pills.  Then, at 6:30 AM I took Temodar, my chemotherapy pills.  I'm supposed to take these two hours before my radiation treatment, which is at 8:30 AM.  On Wednesday, after a rainy and scary drive through Columbus traffic, we arrived to my radiation appointment.  It took about 20 minutes and all I saw was the machine moving around me, a blue light, and my rock hard "bed"moving at different angles.  The same thing happened today.  While all of this is going on, my mind races.  I am a little scared of what this radiation is doing to me.  I know that it is damaging both the good and bad cells in my brain, but the good cells usually heal.  I also know they've taken precautions to not damage my optical nerves.  I think it is the fact that the radiation is damaging good cells too that makes me nervous.  
Today we had to go back to the James Center at 3:00 PM for a check up with my Neurosurgeon, Dr. Elder.  He picked at a few scabs, grossed my mom out, and was really happy with my progress!  He noticed how almost all the fluid has disappeared from my head.  Tomorrow I have radiation again, but I have to stay longer, because they are making a new and different kind of mask for me.  They don't like how mine is fitting right now, so I get an even tighter mask!  Afterwards, I am hoping to go to the Pumpkin Festival in Circleville with my parents and then to my hometown.  My dad and dog really miss us (I miss you guys too).  Surprisingly, my mom and I haven't scared Andrew away... he is actually coming with us this weekend!  He can't seem to get enough of us!  :)

I am a warrior.  I will get through this.  I have started the fight.  I will win.  I trust God has a plan for me.  I have the best support system.  God bless everyone who is praying for me.  

With all my trust in God, 
Erica Jacobs