'Tis the Season!

It's the most wonderful time of the year!  This Christmas season I am more thankful than ever to be alive.  I am taking it all in and really thanking Jesus Christ, enjoying my family and friends, and soaking in all the Christmas decorations!  A few weeks ago, Andrew's grandparents gave me the St. Andrew Christmas Novena Prayer to Obtain Favors.  For those who aren't familiar with this prayer (I wasn't before they gave it to me), it is believed that whoever reads this prayer fifteen times everyday from November 30th to Christmas will obtain what is asked.  Thus, I've been reading this prayer fifteen times a day and asking God to heal me.  It has really made me appreciate what Christmas is all about, which is the birth of our Savior Jesus Christ.  This is the prayer:

Hail and blessed be the hour and moment 

in which the Son of God was born of the 

most pure Virgin Mary, at midnight, in Bethlehem, 

in piercing cold.  In that hour, vouchsafe, O my God! 

to hear my prayer and grant my desires, through

the merits of our Savior Jesus Christ, and of His blessed

Mother. Amen.

Christmas shopping has been a little difficult with the no driving rule.  I'm hoping i'll get the go ahead the next time I go to the doctor.  Sorry to everyone if my gifts are a little limited!  Online shopping is the way to go!  Andrew came up with the idea to buy my entire family, including me, tickets to the Trans- Siberian Orchestra!  Kudos to my fiancé!  I decided to chip in a little bit... so, technically it's from both of us! Haha...  It's this weekend and we are all so excited!  Tarah and Garrett have been to the concert before and said it was really neat!

One of the highlights since the last time writing has been my last day of radiation on November 27th!  My dad drove down to Columbus and stayed the night with us.  In the morning Andrew went to work and my dad, mom, and I got ready for radiation.  Andrew met up with us at the James Center eventually.  We got there and after waiting for a few minutes, I saw these people walk in with balloons... it was my sister and brother-in-law!!!  I was not expecting them to drive all the way from Kent to Columbus.  I was so blessed to have my parents, Andrew, Tarah, and Garrett (my entourage) celebrate my last day of radiation.  After my last treatment, it's tradition for the patient to ring  a bell and everyone claps.  I took pictures with my awesome therapists and of course the gang!  It was a pretty wonderful moment that i'll never forget.  After the bell ringing, we had to meet with my Radiation Oncologist, Dr. Guiou.  We all squeezed into the tiny room and while we waited for him to come in, I opened some presents from Tarah, Garrett, and Garrett's parents.  I loved the hats and candy they gave me, but the most meaningful gift was from Tarah and Garrett.  They donated $500 in my name to the GBM Research Fund.  I was amazed and honored that they would do that in my name!  I love you guys!!!  It's amazing how God has his ways of speaking to people.  While I was in the waiting room, I met this really nice lady, who was accompanying a family member for radiation.  I talked to her a little and found out she's a Kindergarten teacher.  After I returned from my treatment, this lady had tears in her eyes and told me my dad told her my story.  She said that i've really touched her heart and she gave me a beautiful necklace from around her neck that she made herself.  It was such an amazing moment and highlights that there are wonderful people out in the world!  Before I left, I gave her my blog name.  I don't know her name, but if she is reading this... please message me, so I can thank you and see how your family member is doing with treatments!  After we left, we went to one of our favorite restaurants, Olive Garden!  After our delicious dinner, we all drove back up to my parents' home.  We had two wonderful Thanksgivings and played lots of card games.  I think i'm addicted to Euchre and No Peek!  I didn't want that weekend to ever end!

I treasure every moment I spend with my family.  We've never been closer and I thank God for that.  While to many people, this situation would be horrific (yes, there were times), I feel like it has enriched my life so much.  I've never had a better relationship with God, Andrew, and my family.  I've learned that at any moment any person's life can change.  Whether it is an illness, death, or any other tough circumstance.  Since no one knows when their time is up on Earth, we have to be ready for God and spend our lives strengthening our relationship with him.  Unfortunately, sometimes tough situations are just what you need to snap out of it.  I've awaken and realized I need to spend my entire life living through God.  I'm FAR off from being perfect, but before, I wasn't even trying; rather, I took him for granted.  Through God we can overcome anything, even an illness!  :)

Now that radiation is done and I have a month off of chemo, I'm trying to get stronger.  I can't believe how much my body has fluctuated since August.  I've been trying to work out every day for about 40 - 45 minutes, which is a huge leap.  I am still weak in my legs and have a hard time getting up if i'm sitting on the floor.  Also, I still feel different parts of me are swollen, like my fingers and knees.  I can't wait to wear my engagement ring again!   I'm just really trying to work hard for my wedding in June and to get back to work.  There's a huge part of me that wants to go back, but I know i'm not ready... mentally and physically.  Teaching is what I love to do, but it's a lot of work!  When i'm back, I want to be 100% ready.  I want to be ready for walking around all day, teaching, discipline, and the after hours of grading and planning!  My loved ones tell me that when i'm ready, i'll know and that I should take this time to heal.  I'm listening to them and trying to tell myself that it's ok to take this time for me.  I know I say this in a lot of my posts, but i'm just so grateful for the Galloway Ridge principal and teachers.  I have a feeling i'm going to love working there!

Just a few shout outs...  I'd like to thank Cassie Davenport, Emily Pendleton, Sarah Lutz, Katie Larson, Jackie Brough, and Ashley DeVito for visiting me.  It was great talking with you all!  All the support has been tremendous!

Here is a picture of my handsome future husband before his company Christmas dinner.  I didn't go this year, so he sent me a picture!  He's so adorable!  I'm so lucky, because he adores me inside and out.  Even when I don't look like myself right now, he still loves me!!!  God put Andrew in my life for a reason!  He's quite a gem.  :) A little over 6 months until we will be married!  We've decided we are going on a cruise to the Bahamas!  I've been there before and just loved it SO much.  We have so much to look forward to!

I'll try to write another blog post soon!  Happy Holidays to everyone!!!

With all my trust in the Lord,
Erica Jacobs

A little of this and that

It's been awhile since I've updated my blog!  This post is just a little of this and that!  Since my last post I've gotten stronger and i'm still expecting God to heal me.  I haven't been questioning it as much either.  The more I tell myself he will heal me, the more I believe it.

Life is good. God is great.  I have only 1 more day of radiation and chemo!  I've come a long way since being diagnosed, having the infection (which we found out was bacterial meningitis), and my head leakages!  The second craniotomy and shunt has really done its job and I have God and Dr. Elder to thank for that.  If it weren't for them, then I would've had to put off treatments even longer, which could have been bad!  However, here I am with only 1 more day of radiation!  Overall, i've handled the treatments like a trooper.  This last week i've become a little more tired, but i'm not completely drained like they said I could be.  I usually take a good 2 to 2 1/2 hour nap a day! I have lost a lot of hair from the radiation, but only in the front... so i'm half bald.  "Hair grows back... hair grows back... hair grows back..."  But, oh how I miss my hair.  Sometimes when I'm washing my hair I forget it's short and try to grab my old non-exsistent hair.  Enough reminiscing of hair... hair grows back and i'm thankful to be alive!

Tomorrow is my last radiation treatment.  My mom, dad, and Andrew are coming to celebrate my last one (usually it is just my mom and I).  It's not going to be any different, except I get to ring a bell, take a picture, and everyone claps.  I'm excited though!  Almost all the people i've gotten to know in the waiting room have finished their treatments.  I've actually met two older gentlemen, who have GBM and they are doing well too.  See, it's really uncommon in people my age; rather, it's more common in younger kids and older people.  After tomorrow's appointment, we are going back to our hometown.  I have mixed emotions about this, because I won't see Andrew as much.  I got used to hanging out with him after he got home from work. We figured I might as well spend time with my mom during the day, rather than be alone.

Like I said in my previous blog post, I will have a month off from chemo.  Then, I will start back up for five days a week with double the dosage.  I will be doing that for two years.  Also, I will have my MRI on December 27th.  This will give us an idea of how I responded to treatment.  I'm expecting good news!

Now, I know i've made it clear in my blog about my weight increase.  I'm sure there are people who think it is ridiculous to worry about weight gain, when I "should" be worried about having brain cancer.  However, I think gaining that much weight in such a short amount of time was traumatizing.  Yes, of course it was even more scary to find out I had brain cancer, but for some reason God has given me A LOT of peace about it.  I've always been critical on my body, which I think is pretty common.  Remember when I wrote about being ravenous and hungry all the time?  During my time on steroids, I gained about 40 pounds and it came on rapidly!  My body has taken a beating.  Well, my eating has drastically changed since being on chemo and radiation.  In fact, I have to force myself to eat sometimes.  Since my mom and I have been living with Andrew I've lost about 9 pounds. Usually, we all walk every night.  We started out doing 20 minute walks (1 mile) and now I am up to 40 minute walks (2 miles)!  My goal is to be back to my normal size for our wedding in June.  At this rate, I know I can do it!  Once I lose about 10 more pounds, I am going to go wedding dress shopping!!!

Last weekend was one of the best weekends I've had since August!  Andrew, Tarah, Garrett, and I spent the weekend at my parents'.  It was one of the first weekends where I felt pretty normal.  We played cards, ate good food, and laughed a lot.  I wasn't too sick or too tired like I have been in the past.  Also, I was able to see all my grandparents.

This weekend was the first time I visited Andrew's whole family.  I've been really wanting to visit, but haven't felt well enough until now.  It was relaxing and just what I needed!  I love you Laura, Paul, Zach, Tanya (missed you), Louann, Mike, Marissa, Matt (missed you too), Megan, and of course Andrew's incredible grandparents!  Not only has God blessed me with an amazing man, but he has blessed me with amazing in-laws!

This week I am looking forward to the following:
- My last day of chemo and radiation on Wednesday
-Loving on my dog, Cooper.
-Spending time with my mom, dad, Tarah, and Garrett!
-The Jacobs Thanksgiving at my Aunt Cindy's and Uncle Jim's house!  We have so much to be thankful for.
-The Webb-Jacobs Thanksgiving at our house!
-Visiting my high school friends, Sarah and Emily!

I noticed that on Facebook many people are writing about what they are thankful for.  Since Thanksgiving is right around the corner, I figured it would be perfect to share what I am thankful for.  (No particular order... haha I know how my Dad's mind works)

1. I am thankful to have a close relationship with Jesus Christ our Lord.  This difficult situation has brought us closer together!  God has blessed me in so many ways!
2. I am thankful for Andrew Guess.  We have spent the last 6 years making memories and getting to know each other.  Our relationship has been put through the ultimate test and we've come out stronger.  Not only is he perfect for me, but he loves me for who I am.  I can't wait to marry my best buddy!
3. I am thankful for my mom and dad.  They are the most incredible parents!  My dad is hilarious, loving, caring, and loud!  I have a lot of his traits and as much as I deny it, i'm glad we're a lot alike.  My mom is nurturing, loving, funny, and just so sweet.  I've loved spending the past 6 weeks with her day in and day out!  Mom, thanks for coming with me to Columbus and taking me to my treatments!  I love you guys!
4. I am thankful for my sister, Tarah and my brother in-law, Garrett!  Tarah is the best sister and role model.  I've always looked up to her and still do.  She has been there for me through EVERYTHING in my life.  Garrett and I were love at first sight (haha).  Right when Tarah and Garrett became friends, we had a unique and hilarious relationship.  He is the best brother I could ever have and is perfect for Tarah.  Also, he puts up with my crap... then again, I put up with his!  I love you both!
5. I am thankful for ALL my family! We've grown closer in the last few months and I'm so grateful.  I have so many fun memories growing up with my grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins.  I'm blessed to have so much support from them during this difficult time.  Lastly, i'm thankful I get to spend Thanksgiving at my Uncle Jim and Aunt Cindy's house!!!
6. I am thankful to my future in-laws.  The Guess family has been a huge part of my life for 6 years.  They treat me like I am their daughter, sister, grand-daughter, niece, and cousin.  I feel thankful that Paul and Laura raised such an incredible man.  Also, I'm blessed to have another amazing brother-in law (soon to be).  Similar to Garrett,  Zach and I have been really close from the start.  He even has an super cool girlfriend, who I just adore!  Love you Tanya!
7. I am thankful for my past, present, and future students!  My students are the reason I teach... plain and simple.  The bonds I've made, as a teacher, are very special to me.  I love teaching them new things, whether it is reading, science, social studies, or life skills.
8. I am thankful for my past and present co-workers.  I miss my Perry co-workers dearly.  Even though I was there for one year, I have made life long friends!  I'm grateful for my new Galloway Ridge co-workers.  Even though I've only met a handful of them, I know what kind of people they are.  They have decorated/set up my classroom, donated sick days, and bought/cooked/delivered meals to us!
9. I am thankful to be alive!  Each and every day that I wake up, I am thankful to be here.  The odds were stacked against me and I'm here today!  Thank you Lord!
10. I'm thankful for true friends.  I'm not a person who has a big group of friends.  Throughout the years, friends have come and gone.  However, the ones that are true friends have stuck around!  Whether I see them every day or once a year, I know that they are my friends! :)  You know who you are!
11. I am thankful for everyone who has supported me throughout my journey.  My friends, acquaintances, and complete strangers.  I appreciate the cards, gifts, text messages, phone calls, facebook messages, emails, and hospital and home visits.  It makes a difference and has not gone unnoticed.  Thank you for all the prayers and love!
12. I am thankful for my dog, Cooper!  He is just so darn cute and puts a smile on my face.
13. I am thankful for my television shows and music!  It makes me happy!
14. I am thankful for good food.  Yum!
15. I am thankful for the doctors, who with God's help have saved my life! Thanks Dr. Elder, Dr. Mullen, Dr. Guiou, and Dr. Newton!
16. I am thankful for all the fantastic nurses I've had. :) In particular, Jess and Ericka!

Thanks for reading!

With all my trust in the Lord,
Erica

If You Believe, Miracles Will Happen

"Dreams become miracles after you believe."  This quote was written on a clock that Andrew's grandparents gave me.  I love this saying, because I believe miracles can happen.  The Bible describes how Jesus healed many people.  In John 9, the Bible talks about how Jesus healed a blind man by rubbing saliva and mud on his eyes.  Then, Jesus told him to walk to the Pool of Siloam and he would be healed.  He was healed.  Another miracle happened when a sick woman touched Jesus's cloak and was instantly healed.
The other day a wise friend and I were talking about these two miracles in relation to me.  I told her that I pray everyday to be healed and I believe it is possible.  She told me that she expects me to be healed.  She said that I could be like the blind man, who had to walk a ways in order to become healed.  Just like him, I may have to overcome some obstacles (like chemo and radiation) to become healed.  Or I could already be healed just by believing and asking God, just like the woman who touched his cloak.
I have a lot of life to live.  Yes, when someone looks up GBM... it is scary.  I'll be honest, i've been sucked into "googling" GBM and couldn't help but feel discouraged and scared.  However,  I talked to my family and from the start we've said that I am not a statistic... I am a believer in God and I trust that he will take care of me.

Currently I am half way done with chemo and radiation.  My last day is November 27th and then I have a month of recovery.  Once that month is over I start double the dosage of my chemo for 5 days out of every month for 2 years!  It was a shock to me, but whatever it takes to be healthy.  Everything is going really well and I feel blessed to have my mom living in Columbus with Andrew and I.  One new radiation side effect is that I am losing hair in the areas they are radiating.  I feel like a molting chicken!  Luckily, i've been spoiled by my parents and Andrew, because they bought me some cute hats!  Also, Tarah and Garrett invested in a dozen or so scarves and headbands!

Speaking of losing something, my dad lost about half of his pinky finger last weekend.  It was pretty scary when my mom came into the house screaming, "Dad cut his finger off!  We're going to the hospital!"  I came to find out it was pinched off, rather than cut off.  He had surgery this week and is doing well.  Please pray he continues to heal!

I would like to thank the Galloway Ridge teachers for making/buying my family and I delicious meals. It helps out so much. Also, thanks to the Perry staff members for the prayer quilt.  I loved reading all your messages and verses.  Thanks to Laura (my future mother-in-law) and Mary for visiting me this week!

I am thankful for my family and my future in-laws.  Thanksgiving is coming soon and I can't wait to give thanks for all the blessings and spending time with my loved ones.  I'm so thankful that we have all grown so much closer.  Please keep my Uncle Jim and his family in your prayers.  He is fighting cancer, as well.

With all my trust in the Lord,

Erica Jacobs

Time is flying!

It is almost November and I don't know where the time has gone.  I keep thinking how much my life has changed from last year.  I miss my coworkers so much from Perry and I miss my students.  I've been writing with several Perry students, which I LOVE! Unfortunately, I haven't gotten to know my new students, so I don't write to individual students at Galloway.  Last year was my first year of teaching.  I put everything into being a teacher there... everything.  Sometimes I stayed at school until 8 or 9... and everyday I took my work home and worked late.  It was hard, but I loved my students and I had awesome coworkers.  Cory (my co-teacher) and I helped each other through our first year of teaching and had lots of laughs...  This year, I feel as if I'm stuck.  Instead of meeting my new coworkers (who have been incredible since I was diagnosed) and my new students, I am sitting at home and going to treatments.  I understand that I have to take this time for me, but it's hard.  I was thinking about my students last year.  By this time of the year, I knew them extremely well.  Their interests, dislikes, strengths, and weaknesses.  This year, I've never met my students.  Last year, during Halloween, I had so much fun with my kids.  My coworkers and I dressed up as nuns (well Cory was the Priest) and I enjoyed it so much.  In fact, I was not any ordinary nun, I was a vampire nun.  The kids got a kick out of that, because they knew my obsession with vampires!  :)  I guess dressing up as a vampire nun for the kids really got me thinking about what I'm missing with my new kids.  I love doing those goofy things!  Thankfully, I am doing better and will eventually start teaching again.  There is always next year.

Earlier this week, two teachers from Galloway Ridge Intermediate came to bring my family and me dinner and to meet me for the first time.  First of all, the fact that teachers are signing up to make us meals is incredible.  They are angels!  The two teachers that visited, Sarah and Rhonda were very nice.  It was great to finally build connections with a few of my coworkers.  It really has made me so excited to begin working there.  Such an amazing comradery exists there and I believe God placed me there for a reason.  Galloway Ridge Intermediate teachers, please know my family and I are so appreciative for all that you have done for us, including making us meals.  Perry Peeps: I miss all of you and think of you often.  My former coworkers- Thanks for all the support, as well!  I miss you guys!

As I mentioned earlier, time is just flying by.  August through September had many ups and downs with my health.  Yes, I had many blessings that I mentioned in earlier posts, but it was tough. I was in and out of the hospital and not improving with my health.  I was on strong antibiotics that had to be given through my PICC line.  I had fluid under my skin (jello-head) and at times had to wear a feminine napkin on my head (ughh).  I was on steroids that made me insanely and viciously hungry and have puffed me out a bit.  On the other hand, October has been filled with improvements.  My shunt is working properly to keep the fluid from building up under my skin.  My incisions are healing and I am getting stronger.  I am off the steroids and very slowly deflating.  I don't have to take antibiotics through my PICC line; in fact, I don't have a PICC line!  I have started treatments and the side effects are minimal!   October is hopefully just the beginning of my progression to being 100% healthy.  All along I have remained faithful that God is by my side and he will get me through this.  Thank you, Lord!

Before talking about an inspirational person that has strengthened my faith that there is a God and a heaven, I will update you on my chemo and radiation treatments.  

Update:

I have officially completed thirteen days of chemotherapy and nine days of radiation treatments.  The side effects are minor, which I am so thankful for.  The chemotherapy causes most of them.  I am super sensitive to smells and I don't have a huge appetite.  It's a big change from my raging appetite!  One night, my mom made pizza and Andrew likes bacon on his pizza.  I could not stand the smell!  It made me feel sick.  Another smell that is bothering me right now is coffee, which I usually love.  During my radiation, I seem to smell straw or something.  The technician said sometimes people think they smell something, because the radiation is triggering something in the brain.  Another side effect I am having is a little more tired, but it is nothing drastic.  Also, I have an upset stomach once in awhile.  On Wednesday I received my third new mask.  It is tighter, more uncomfortable, and it has a mouth guard. This mask will allow my head to align with the CT scans and the mouth guard ensures I will position myself in the mask the same way.  Thank you to those of you who have been asking how treatments are going!!!  Also, thanks to my Aunt Christie, who drove from Chicago to visit my family and me this weekend.  It was so great to spend some time with her and my grandparents.  She also bought me a fitbit wristband and some other goodies.  The fitbit counts how many steps you walk and calories you burn etc.  It is pretty neat!  I love you, Christie!

Yesterday, my parents and I were watching CBS News and it talked about Ben Breedlove, an 18 year old who died of a cardiac arrest, due to a serious heart condition.  Throughout his life he had near death experiences.  A few times he talks about his experiences in heaven and a feeling of overwhelming peace.  You should definitely watch the CBS clip and then Ben's youtube videos he created a few days before he died.  It is pretty inspiring and just confirms there is a better place after we die.  I believe God had me watch this to strengthen my faith and trust in him!  What a strong and inspiring young man!  I had to watch it a few times, because it was so amazing!  Here are the links!

http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-3445_162-57609174/ben-breedloves-video-message-of-an-afterlife/ 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tmlTHfVaU9o

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a4LSEXsvRAI

God Bless everyone and thanks for your continued prayers!!!

With all my trust in the Lord, 

Erica Jacobs

Starting Treatment

* Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. Prov. 3:5&6 *

I have learned when things are going extremely well in your life, it is easier to stray away from God.  Before August 2013, I believed in God, but didn't have a strong relationship with him.  I didn't depend on him.  I remember after I graduated from BG (in May '11) I began my job search for a teaching job.  Yes, I prayed, but I didn't cast my cares to the Lord... I was a mess, a roller coaster.  I would get an interview, go to the interview, worry for weeks, and become disappointed with being turned down.  It was a cycle that happened many times, because I was turned down many times. When I realized I had to substitute teach for a year, I thought I had failed.  However, after subbing I realized that I benefited a lot from being in so many different classrooms.  The next Summer I was the same exact way... a roller coaster of emotions, until I was blessed with a job at Perry.  I learned that I grew a ton from teaching there and I had the chance to make a difference in my students' lives!  Again, throughout those two years, I believed in God and prayed to him, but I didn't fully trust in him.  Since August 2013, when I found out I had a brain tumor, I have begun learning how to trust in him (It is the only way I have stayed so positive and hopeful).  It hasn't been an easy journey, but I'm working on it.  Lately, satan has been causing me to worry about the brain tumor coming back years down the road.  Sometimes I will let my mind wander and think of different scenarios.  That is not trusting in God and not living day by day.  If I was Erica from two years ago, I wouldn't have even acknowledged that I wasn't trusting in God and I would make myself sick by worrying!  I have made strides in my relationship with God and I strongly believe that just like my substituting experience and my job at Perry, this journey will have a purpose.  I'm a work in progress! :)

Last week (10/7-10/12) was an amazing week for me!  My best friend from high school, Ann flew in from California for a short visit.  With Ann, it is like no time has passed when she visits!  On Wednesday she came over and we hung out.  We talked for hours... it was wonderful.  Then, on Friday I had a short visit from a high school friend named Abbie!  She brought me over a beautiful quilt that she made.  It is so special and I am so thankful for people like her that care about me!  She even sewed on a cross and the brain cancer awareness ribbon!  Thanks Abbie!  My other high school friend, Cassie, who has become one of my closest friends, came over.  Once Ann arrived to my house, we went to check out Cassie's new house!  We ate Pisanello's Pizza and again just talked and talked and talked...  

My weekend was really special, as well.  On Saturday, my family and I visited my Uncle Jim, who is fighting cancer and healing from a broken leg.  We went with my incredible Aunt Cindy and cousin Andy (Jim's wife and son).  I will tell you... seeing Jim was a relief.  His spirits are up and he looks great!  I think a lot of people feel relieved after seeing me too.  They imagine me to be bed ridden and when they realize I'm walking around pretty well and i'm the same old Erica, they are relieved.  Stay strong, Jim!  I love you!  After visiting Jim, my parents, Tarah, Garrett, Cindy, and Andy went to the Apple Butter Festival in Oak Harbor.  It was a lot of fun to spend time with Cindy and Andy.  We have all been through so much, so it was nice to let loose at the Apple Butter Festival.  When I say "let loose," I mean we ate the greasiest and most fried foods possible. haha!  Every time I go there, I scope out the corn dog stand.  They are hand dipped and fried!  :)  I had two... plus a little bit of an apple dumpling... oh and a grilled corn on the cob!  It's once a year, so I had to indulge!  Cindy and Andy-  I love you both so much!  You guys are strong and will get through this tough time!  We can all lean on one another!

By Sunday I was a zombie... from all my visits during the week and my outing on Saturday.  BUT... when Monday rolled around I was back in business.  First, my newly wed cousin, Kristen stopped over.  We chatted it up, since we really haven't hung out since late August.  She also gave me the cutest bridesmaid gift (even though I couldn't actually be a bridesmaid).  It is my face and name painted on a wine glass.  It is adorable!  Then, she got me a purse stuffed full of goodies.  (Thank you, Kristen.  I love you)!  Right after Kristen left, my friend Amy arrived!  Amy is my good friend that I met at BG.  My sweet Amy brought me hand-made crocheted winter hats.  They are adorable and I know I will use them, because my shaved head will get cold during the winter months!  (Thanks Amy)!  

Tuesday was a big transition day for me.  It was a quite overwhelming, but exciting!  First, I had a dry run of radiation.  I basically got to experience what radiation will be like without getting the treatment.  When my mom and I arrived at the  James Center, I got called into the appointment really quickly.  I was taken into a big room with huge equipment and lasers.  I laid down on flat and literally hard as a rock board.  Right away my anxiety sky rocket, because one of the technicians was looking at one of my incision scabs (a piece of my scab ripped off).  She said she is worried about the area where the scab ripped off, because the radiation can interfere with the healing.  She sent the other technician to get my Radiation-Oncologist doctor.  When he came in, he commented on the shiny-oozy stuff on the scabbed area.  My heart dropped and then I remembered I had put Neosporin on that area earlier in the day!  I told them and he said it should be okay.  I was very relieved, because it could have potentially put off my chemo and radiation!  Next, they strapped my mask on and it was extremely tight.  The technicians told me that they would be taking a picture of my positioning in the mask to see if it aligned with the CT scans.  This will allow them to radiate the correct area.  It is really important that it is exactly aligned, because the area they are radiating is close to my optical nerves.  At the appointment, they had to reposition and take four separate pictures since my face wasn't exactly in the correct position in the mask.  It felt like it took forever, especially laying on that board.

The next part of my day was moving into Andrew's apartment.  Most of my belongings were already moved to Andrew's in August, so we didn't have to worry about that.  Until we know how I will react to the chemo and radiation, my mom will be living with Andrew and I.  I am so thankful for her!  She is driving me to my appointments, helping me recover, and keeping me company while Andrew is at work! :)  After getting settled in, my mom, Andrew, and I went to El Vaquero.  I am telling you, ever since my first craniotomy in August, I crave mexican food all the time!  It's the weirdest thing!  It was a good way to finish a big day!  

Today and yesterday were the real deal.  Both days (and every day for 6 weeks) my mom woke me up at 5:30 AM to give me anti-nausea medication.  I am supposed to take that one hour before I take my chemo pills.  Then, at 6:30 AM I took Temodar, my chemotherapy pills.  I'm supposed to take these two hours before my radiation treatment, which is at 8:30 AM.  On Wednesday, after a rainy and scary drive through Columbus traffic, we arrived to my radiation appointment.  It took about 20 minutes and all I saw was the machine moving around me, a blue light, and my rock hard "bed"moving at different angles.  The same thing happened today.  While all of this is going on, my mind races.  I am a little scared of what this radiation is doing to me.  I know that it is damaging both the good and bad cells in my brain, but the good cells usually heal.  I also know they've taken precautions to not damage my optical nerves.  I think it is the fact that the radiation is damaging good cells too that makes me nervous.  
Today we had to go back to the James Center at 3:00 PM for a check up with my Neurosurgeon, Dr. Elder.  He picked at a few scabs, grossed my mom out, and was really happy with my progress!  He noticed how almost all the fluid has disappeared from my head.  Tomorrow I have radiation again, but I have to stay longer, because they are making a new and different kind of mask for me.  They don't like how mine is fitting right now, so I get an even tighter mask!  Afterwards, I am hoping to go to the Pumpkin Festival in Circleville with my parents and then to my hometown.  My dad and dog really miss us (I miss you guys too).  Surprisingly, my mom and I haven't scared Andrew away... he is actually coming with us this weekend!  He can't seem to get enough of us!  :)

I am a warrior.  I will get through this.  I have started the fight.  I will win.  I trust God has a plan for me.  I have the best support system.  God bless everyone who is praying for me.  

With all my trust in God, 
Erica Jacobs

Moving Uphill

First, I want to send my condolences to the Krumnow family.  Since I found out that Mayor Krumnow had brain cancer, he and his family have been in my thoughts and prayers.  I didn't know him personally, but I've heard he was a great man.

I hate cancer.  I mean it is a nasty disease and since I have been diagnosed, I have been hearing about it more and more.  I think when you have something or are affected by it, you become more aware of it.  My future goal is to pay it forward to someone who is suffering from cancer.  I want to help people/a person that are going through what I am going through.

My Update:  
Last Thursday I had two doctor's appointments at OSU.  My mom and I made the trip down, which is a miracle that we found our way there!  We are the blind leading the blind when it comes to driving directions.  First we met with my Infectious Disease doctor.  She told us that I would be done taking my antibiotics the next day (Friday).  This is a H-U-G-E  deal, because I've been taking these extremely strong antibiotics for about a month and a half.  She also said my PICC line could be removed from my arm on Monday.  The PICC line was inserted into my peripheral vein in my upper arm and extended to a central vein in my chest.  This is great news, too, because it was just hanging out of my arm and well it made me look "sick."  It was just one more thing people stared at me for.  However, the main reason why I was happy about this was because every time I bathed my mom would have to wrap my arm.  This was not a professional wrap, but good ol' press 'n seal wrap with medical tape wrapped around the edges to make sure water didn't get in.  Then, after my bath I would have to rip the tape off my skin and pull the sticky press 'n seal off my skin.  There is nothing like tape being ripped off skin! Ouch!  Anyways, after my first appointment I went to my Neurosurgeon's appointment.  Just to let you know, if you are looking for a personable and highly skilled Neurosurgeon, Dr. James Elder at OSU is the way to go.  Out of all my doctors, he is my favorite!  Right away he said my head incisions look great, except he was a little worried about where there were scabs.  He said I could start taking showers and I needed to be a little more aggressive washing my head (We were being very gentle).  Then, he started taking out the sutures from my incisions.  I was really nervous at first, but it didn't hurt at all.  My mom was covering her eyes and making weird faces the entire time.  Finally, I asked about the effects of the steroids.  He said it was normal to gain weight and that it would eventually come off.  He also recommended that I start trying to walk more.

I have written plenty of times about my weight gain and steroid use.  Out of the many obstacles I've been facing, this has been difficult for me.  I know I will look like me again, but for the time being, it is hard to look in the mirror and not look like myself.  I also have the pressure of having my wedding in June.  Every girl wants to look like herself on her wedding day!  My Neurosurgeon said my weight should be back to normal by my wedding, but I may have to work on it.  Phew... I can handle that!  Andrew isn't worried about it at all, which makes me feel A LOT better.  I'm too hard on myself... I know.  Everyone has their weaknesses and this is mine.  However, I keep praying to God that I find peace with the way I look for the time being.  The good news is that I am completely off the steroids.  My joints are extra sore and achey, but my hunger has quieted down.  My puffiness and weight haven't changed, but that takes awhile.  The bad news is that I may be put back on a low dosage of steroids during my radiation to prevent brain swelling.  Hopefully it is low enough that I don't swell. :)

On Friday I went to my cousin's reception.  Alana looked beautiful and it was a really fun reception.  She served pizza with a ranch fountain!  Also, she had a cheese and chocolate fountain.  It was really unique and quite delicious! :)  My cousin, Andy kept fetching me chocolate dipped food... I just couldn't help myself.  Congrats Alana and Todd!  You make a great couple!!!

On Monday, my mom and I made another trip to Columbus for two more doctor's appointments.  First we met with my Neuro-Oncologist.  He is in charge of my chemotherapy.  Since chemo/radiation has been put off due to all my fluid issues, he stressed that he wanted to start chemo/radiation ASAP!  Next, we met with my Radiation/Oncologist.  He set the start date for chemotherapy and radiation, which is October 16th!  We are going to have a practice/dry run on the 15th, but the real deal starts the 16th.  As difficult as I know it will be, I am excited to move forward.  I've had so many set backs and I'm just ready to get started!  Afterwards, I had a CT scan and another radiation mask was made for me.  See, since the fluid in my head (jello-head) is gone, the mask no longer fits tight enough.  Therefore, I was re-fit and it was really tight!  They gave me my old mask to take home.

I really feel like I am improving daily.  It is hard to get around, because I'm so swollen; however, I am getting around a lot easier.  I told my mom that it feels like I have another body tied to my legs and I am dragging it around!  A little weird, but that is how it feels.  Sunday- I walked five minutes on the treadmill; Monday- I walked a ton at the OSU hospital and tackled Andrew's apartment stairs 2 times!  Tuesday- I walked 10 minutes on the treadmill and walked up the stairs.  I'm pretty proud of myself!

Today is exciting, because my amazing friend, Ann is in town!  She currently lives in California, so I'm really excited to see her.  Hopefully I'll be able to see her a few times.  Ann and I go WAY back and it is always like no time has passed when I see her!

Again, thanks to everyone who is praying for me!  I'm still receiving so many thoughtful cards, flowers, and gifts!  I appreciate it so much!

With all my trust in God,
Erica Jacobs
 

One Day at a Time!

This was a gift from our family friends Kathy Porath and Donald Knowles!  Thank you!

One day at a time.  One day at a time.  This is what I keep repeating to myself every single day.  Something I used to do a lot is worry about things days, weeks, months, or even years into the future.  Andrew can vouch for me on that.  It doesn't make any sense!  Now don't get me wrong, I have my many moments, but I think by learning to trust in God, he has allowed me to be happy one day at a time.
My 6th grade teacher (who just so happens to be one of my favorite teachers growing up), who is fighting cancer, has reached out to me.  She told me that she wakes up happy every single day.  She has been a huge support and inspiration to me!  I've learned it's a choice to wake up and be happy.

I don't want you to think I'm living in rainbows and cotton candy... (My steroids would enjoy the cotton candy part haha).  However, something I have found to help me is my little morning routine (I just started doing this, so it isn't really a routine yet). Right when I wake up, I read my daily devotional and I pray.  I always pray to be positive and to have a good day.  I also pray to have a good night, because that is where I struggle the most.  Finally, I tell God that I trust him and working to trust him even more.  I tell him that I love him, I love myself, and I thank him for helping me through this situation.  I've done this since yesterday and let me tell you, I feel GOOD!

I started doing this after watching Joyce Meyer.  She does something similar to this everyday.  The reason I started doing this was because since getting home from my last hospital stay, I have been having decent days, but REALLY rough nights.  It would hit around 6:30 PM and I would become negative and very agitated.  If anything didn't go right, I would freak out.  If I dropped my phone... BOOM... I'd get mad.  If someone said something wrong... BOOM... I'd snap.  Also, I would start itching and getting stomach cramps.  In particular, on Monday I became very worried and upset about not being able to work.  I want to meet my students and get to know my coworkers.  I was a mess.  Monday night was not pretty.  After my new routine, Tuesday went fantastically.  All day I wrote thank you cards, which I LOVE doing.  At night, I had some itching and stomach cramps (from the medicine), but my attitude was a lot better.  When I thought I was about to freak out, I prayed.  I struggled to get to sleep a little bit, but once I was out, I was all good.  Thank you God for helping me.

So, today marks the day that I've been home from the hospital for a week.  At this point I was still in the hospital, but I got home later in the day last week.  Last Thursday, I felt like an 80 year old lady... maybe older.  I could barely sit up in bed and get out of one of my low couches.  Bathing was stressful and more work than I cared for.  Fast forwarding to today, I have accomplished a lot!

First, on Friday I had an act of kindness occur in my life.  Laura Strong, a fellow townsperson and Woodmore alumni, who is fighting breast cancer and WINNING... dropped off a bag of goodies for me.  She lent me an inspirational book that helped her, a journal, m'n'm's, a few hats that are really cute, and a Dammit doll, which cracks me up.  It is this little doll that is meant to slam against something if you are having a bad moment.  Laura- I've already used it! :)  She told me not to write her a thank you note... so I'll just say thank you on here!

Next, I went to my cousin's beautiful wedding on Saturday.  As you all know, I wasn't able to be in her wedding like I was supposed to be.  However, I actually was able to go and she listed me as her honorary bridesmaid!  I was honored!  It was an amazing wedding and she looked gorgeous!  One worry I had before going was the way I looked.  Not many people have seen me with all this steroid weight and with my shaved head.  It was scary; however, God must have been with me, because I had a peace about it.  I didn't really worry about what people thought of my weight and shaved head.  I just keep telling myself that it is temporary... the weight will come off, once I'm off the steroids and my hair will grow back!  I think this is one of my biggest struggles and something I have to tell myself OVER and OVER!  (Here are a few pictures from the wedding!)

Anyways, I wasn't sure if I would be able to attend the reception, but I did.  The food was delicious and it was fun to see some of the wedding festivities and family.  However, "sundowner" Erica hit a wall at about 7ish.  I just got really tired and very emotional.  That is when we decided to leave.

The next day was pretty rough.  It kind of felt like I was hit by a truck.  So, for most of the day I was in bed napping or just watching T.V.  Kristen and Cory's wedding was totally worth going to, though.  It was nice having Tarah, Garrett, and Andrew home for the weekend.  On Sunday, Tarah worked a ton on my bridal shower invitations.  She's making them ALL homemade!  She has a Cricut machine and is working so hard on them.  Andrew watched the Browns game, while I napped and I watched a tiny bit of it.  Go Browns!  I kind of snapped at him sometimes, because he would jump up and start shouting.  It scared the crap out of me!

Yesterday and today have been great days!  Good news... I am tapering off my steroids.  Soon I will be off them completely.  Unfortunately, I may be put back on a light dosage during radiation.  I am feeling a little (and when I say little, I mean a little) less hungry.  Another milestone is I walked up and down a flight of stairs for the first time since my last two surgeries.  It was slow, but I accomplished it and was proud.  I am going to do it again today!  My Neurosurgeon said to not yet push things to 100%, but rather 80%.  I would estimate that in one week's time, I feel like a 70 year old.  Maybe next week I will feel 60!

Tomorrow I will be meeting with my Infectious Disease doctor and my Neurosurgeon.  So, another trip to Columbus and I get to see Andrew!  My Neurosurgeon may take out some of my sutures, if they look ready.  Yes, instead of staples, I have sutures!  I like them better... we have to keep that fluid in my head and from leaking!  Staples just didn't do the job!  The shunt is actually the real reason why my head is NOT filling up with fluid (no jello-head) and not leaking.  Thank you, shunt!  My Infectious Disease doctor is going to let me know when I can get off these antibiotics.  I am on extremely strong antibiotics and I'm ready to be off them.  One of them has been giving me stomach cramps like crazy, especially at night!  Please pray everything reports back normal and I am given the go ahead to start chemotherapy and radiation in 2 weeks!  Let's keep moving forward! :)

I will give you an update ASAP after my appointments tomorrow... not sure if it will be tomorrow!  Thank you again to everyone who is sending me their thoughts and prayers, as well as cards/flowers!  God Bless you all!

With all my trust in the Lord,
Erica Jacobs

Double Whammy...

I am home and right now I am just so thankful.  I have been a ball of emotion for the past three days.  It is like everything I have been feeling for the last 7-8 weeks is now coming out in tears.  I've been crying at the tap of a hat.  I'm just going to say it...  I'm going through a lot and sometimes I just want everything to be back to the way it was.  I know some people are wondering, "Just sometimes?  Not all the time?"  Yes, sometimes...  I firmly believe that God is just prepping me for something even more amazing.  I believe that he has given me tons of blessings despite all this pain.  I believe he has brought my family closer together.  However, I miss looking like me and feeling like me.  I miss my hair.  I want to start my new job and meet my students.  I want to be able to get out of bed or a chair without feeling like an 80 year old.  I'm allowed to miss those things, but it will get better.  It will, I just know it will.  So many wonderful things have happened during this storm of stress and heartache.

This past week has really tested me and put me through the ringer.  The same day I left for the ER, I was feeling good!  I was feeling stronger and making gifts for my students!  I was working on these right before I had to go to the ER.  Aren't they cute?

THE LEAK:  Well anyways, it was September 18th and I was just sitting and watching T.V.  I had already showered and felt good and was wearing a head band.  During this time I did have the "jello head," but the doctors said as long as it didn't get bigger or leak, it should be alright.  As I was sitting there, I felt something wet on my head.  I lifted up my head band and I felt liquid coming out.  At first I thought, "Maybe my mom didn't dry my hair all the way!"  BUT... I ran to the restroom and took off the head band and yellow liquid started draining out of my front incision (a different area from the last leakage site).  I was disgusted and called my mom, because she had just run up town.  After calling my mom, I called my dad and he headed home from work.  I put the "feminine pad" head band back on and I will tell you... I was furious.  Anger.  Frustration.  Panic.  I threw a huge fit.  I knew how bad I wanted to leave the hospital after my last visit and I knew that it was not a good sign that my head was leaking!  My dad called some doctors and after some discussion we decided it would be best to go to the OSU Hospital ER.  

The ER:  As I've already said I did not want to have to end up in the ER.  I was in a really negative mood.  After our 2 1/2 hour drive to Columbus, we walked in to the ER and it was packed full.  People everywhere... Andrew and I and my mom and dad had to separate for a little while.  This ER was like Cedar Point or Disney World.  Great people watching opportunities.   A young mother was actually sucking her thumb when her daughter was running around the waiting room.  We arrived to the ER around 9ish and were admitted into JUST an ER room at 1:30 AM.  After some time in the ER room, I was checked out and two Neuro Residents drained the fluid in my head with a needle.  They took my fluid to test for an infection and wrapped my head up in a crazy-tight head gauze.  It was pulled half-way over my eyes and I couldn't see!  We were in the ER room until 5:00 PM of the next day (Sept. 19)!  

After being admitted to the hospital, we got a really nice room and were so thankful!  Tarah also arrived, which made me so happy.  Eventually, my Neurosurgeon visited me and informed us that he would need to perform another craniotomy to fix the dura in my skull and install a drain in the ventricle to help keep pressure off the dura so it would heal.  My Neurosurgeon suspected holes in the dura, which was what was allowing the fluid to leak and build up under my skin.  Finally, during this craniotomy he said he would determine if the skull bone was infected.  If it was, he would throw it away, fix the dura, and then at a later date he would install a plate over the infected skull area that he threw away.  After the Neurosurgeon left, my mom, dad, sister, Garrett, and Andrew were just relieved.  We had peace within us and knew that everything would be fine.  So, what did we do?  We ordered delicious pizza from Adriatico's Pizza.  It really was good and they delivered right to my hospital room. :)

Here is a diagram of a brain... to let you know where the dura is and of course the skull.  I had to research a little! :)

My 2nd Craniotomy:  On September 20th at noon I had my 2nd craniotomy.  I was ready for it and in full trust of God and of course, my Neurosurgeon.  He is not the same guy who removed the actual tumor, but I really like him and trust in his ability.  The surgery was 5 hours long (but felt like nothing for me).  I did extremely well during my surgery, but there were many holes in the dura (like he suspected) and some were pretty large.  He fixed those up and placed a temporary drain through the center of my brain to the ventricle to control the pressure in my brain for the next few days.  He wanted to see if my body would be able to naturally absorb the fluid on its own.  If not, he said they would have to install a permanent shunt in my head.  Also, during the surgery he determined my skull piece was NOT infected (Thank God) and he didn't have to throw it away and I won't need to have a plate there to cover it up.  That was a blessing!  Overall, it was a success!

Once I got back up to my ICU room, I wanted one thing.  One thing.  FOOD!  In particular, a Wendy's frosty.  I have become quite addicted to frostys.  They are so creamy and just feels good to eat.  So after eating ice chips, I got to have a small frosty... and then my dad got me another!  :)  I may have had 3 small frostys that night.  I am a solider when it comes to eating and drinking after surgery.  You have to give me a break though, before the surgery I hadn't eaten for many, many hours!  Steroids + Starvation =

The first picture is after my 2nd craniotomy.  The doctor wrote on my face to let him know which side of my head he was operating on!  The 2nd picture is Tarah and I before the craniotomy.  

I spent the rest of my hospital visit in the ICU.  It was tough, because there were visiting hours and stricter rules.  During the first few days in the ICU, I was hooked up to that temporary drain ventricle, which prevented me from leaving my bed at all.  I had to sit up at a certain degrees, which kept me at bed rest.  Bed rest is not fun.  Best rest means you are not getting stronger, you are hooked up to a bladder catheter, and you have to use a bed pan to have a bowel movement!  The bed pan was hard and very upsetting to me.  I struggled with it and cried when I had to use it.  You have to really humble yourself and just realize that there's no other choice.  It was really hard for me when I had a male nurse to help me with it too.  However, my favorite nurse (Kimmy) comforted me a lot with it and made me feel more comfortable.  Boy, could she tell good stories and crack me up during the whole thing!  She's a good nurse!  During the days when I was on bed rest and the doctors were observing how much fluid I was draining through the drain ventricle, my Neurosurgeon decided I would need a shunt installed.  He said my body was not absorbing the fluid fast enough and he feared the fluid would start coming back under my skin and "jello-head" would return!  See... he said that since my skin has been having fluid underneath it for so long, it is easier for the fluid to come back and easier to stretch out.  He also said they would be putting the shunt on the left side of my head (which is my side with hair), so he would have to shave part of my left side of the head.  He said I would just have hair on the back of my head.  After some time to think, I told him I just wanted him to shave all my hair off to be at the same length.  He agreed and I felt good about my decision.  I still feel good about it, even though it is hard. During my surgery, Andrew shaved his head so we will both have short hair!  We are going to race and see whose hair grows out faster.  He is so cute and sweet.  I'll have to take a picture of both of us together with our stubbles!  So, on September 22nd he said they were hoping to have the shunt surgery as soon as possible (like the 23rd or 24th), as long as the Infectious Disease doctors said I didn't have an infection.  The problem with putting a shunt in with an infection would be my shunt would become infected and then of course more surgery for me!  He told me I couldn't eat after midnight, just in case we had the surgery the next day.

(This is Andrew after he shaved his head and is testing out my new hat!)











The Waiting Game:  I'm all good when they tell me I can't eat after midnight, because I am going to sleep anyways.  However, when breakfast hours start to emerge... I get antsy.  It was even harder, because I didn't know 100% if I was going to have surgery today.  Was I starving myself for no reason!?  We kept trying to find out all day whether or not I would have the shunt surgery today.  Finally, the Neuro-Residents came in and told us that I was "scheduled" for 3, but the surgery wasn't 100% yet.  They were still waiting on the Infectious Disease doctors to let them know if there was any infection.  Well, finally the ID doctors gave the go ahead and said that no bacteria cultures were growing!  Yay!  I was on for surgery, but didn't know exactly when.

The Shunt Surgery:  I had the shunt surgery on Septemeber 23, 2013 at 5:00 PM and it lasted until 7:00 PM.  This was an interesting surgery.  By far the most painful I've had (yet it was supposed to be the quickest and simplest)!  Before the surgery, they told me they weren't going to put me under as much anesthesia.  I wasn't worried, but something happened at the end of the surgery.  I'm not sure if they took the air tube out while I was waking up or what, but I was in a panic.  They took me straight to my room after the surgery, but the entire time I thought I was at a beach party and was shot.  I had pain in my abdomen, where they made an incision... but in my after-surgery panic, I thought I was shot on the beach.  When I saw this nurse practitioner that I really liked, I thought she saved my life.  I was crying so hard and in a complete panicked state!  After calming down and realizing I was out of surgery, safe, and not shot... I was still in a lot of pain.  The abdomen incision was really, really painful!  Here is a diagram of what the shunt looks like and it explains why I had to have an incision in my abdomen!

After calming down from the surgery, I got to see my favorite nurse before she left her shift.  She hugged me and gave me an after-surgery present.  It was a delicious chocolate cupcake, buckeye treats, and something else I forget that I ate as soon as I was allowed.  Again, I had some ice chips and my parents, Tarah/Garrett, and Andrew got me a Wendy's frosty. :)  Then, they got me another one.  My Neurosurgeon told them he didn't think I would be able to eat, but ohhhh I did!  He said the surgery went great and the shunt was installed!










Recovering for the shunt surgery has been tough.  The incision in my abdomen was very sore for the first few days (and still is, but getting a ton better).  He had to cut through muscle, which has made it hard to move.  My body feels like it has aged 50 years or more and I am just working my way back to ME!

On September 24th, I was able to get out of bed!  I'll be honest, I was in a lot pain with my ab incision... but it was amazing to be able to move.  I had to get x-rays and that was pretty painful to move.  The good news was that my Neurosurgeon told us we would probably be able to leave tomorrow!  Unfortunately, I had an extremely rough night.  It was the first and only night my parents/Andrew all slept over at Andrew's apartment.  I really wanted all of them to get a good night's rest!  When I was first assigned to my night nurse, I thought he was really nice.  He did have a very nice/professional way about him.  Once my parents left though, I just felt like he was saying things to me that were upsetting me.  I had to pee a lot throughout the night... a lot.  I asked him if I could use the actual restroom and he said yes to the first two times, but then made me use the commode (portable toilet) the rest of the night.  If you know me, I hate the commode and I felt like I was was building strength walking to the the actual restroom.  Out of embarrassment of using the restroom so much I said, "I don't know why I'm peeing so much..."  He said, "I would suggest not drinking water for the rest of the night."  I couldn't believe he suggested that, because I just had surgery and I am supposed to drink water!  Next, this nurse asked me if I was feeling any pain.  I said a little in my abdomen incision, but I told him I was struggling to sleep, because my mind was racing.  I have been prescribed a medicine to help with anxiety for the time being (with what I've been going through).  I asked him if I could take this medicine and he said, "I think you need to just hold off on that medicine.  You need to learn to use natural coping skills to calm yourself down and go to sleep."  He shamed me!  I was sickly upset because of this.  I felt like he was not doing his job and putting his opinion in places it doesn't belong.  I pray he doesn't do this to other patients.  It isn't a good feeling and I hope God talks to him.  Early on the morning of September 25th, about six Neuro-Residents came into my room.  They took off my head gauze and the gauze covering my abdomen incision.  It was shocking!  I was so emotional to see myself shaved for the first time with huge incisions on my head.  I cried a lot... it is hard to look so different.  I can handle the shaved head, but my puffy face makes it 10x harder.  However, I keep praying and telling myself... this is temporary.  The swelling in my entire body will go away.  I have to go through this and I will look me again someday!  In that moment when I saw all the incisions, I lost it though.  Thankfully, another Neuro-Resident came back to cover up only the incisions. Therefore, right now, I have these white strips covering up my incisions.  I actually get to take them off today and wash my head with baby shampoo.

My Discharge Day:  It is tough to get out of a hospital.  It's a slow process and another waiting game.  My parents returned at 10:00 AM (visiting hours are awful).  You know how I was really upset after seeing my shaved head and from having a rough night with the nurse?  Well, I just cried all morning.  Throughout this entire experience, I have cried once in awhile.  I have my normal weak moments, but I don't think I've cried this much.  My parents were furious about the nurse and felt bad they left me.  I was glad that they got a good night's rest though.  Finally, after my dad started making things happen and talking to many people, they got the ball rolling with my discharge.  By dinner time I was discharged!!!  We met Andrew at Panda Express for dinner.  I was standing outside Panda Express with my parents, feeling very self conscious about my shaved head and bandages.  I will never forget the moment when I saw Andrew walking toward me with his shaved head.  He was full of smiles and looked at me like I was the most beautiful thing.  It brings me to tears that I've found Andrew.  He made me feel so much better and took away my insecurities.  Panda Express was enjoyable and then we went home.

This whole experience has brought my family so close.  When I say my family, I mean me, my mom, dad, sister, Andrew, and Garrett (my brother-in-law).  Our relationships are so strong and it is amazing. We have spent so much time together just supporting each other.  My mom and dad have gotten so close to Andrew, as well.  They were close before, but now it is undeniable.  Tarah and Garrett have just been so committed to my recovery and have been there every step of the way.  My mom and dad are completely amazing.  Every step of the way they have been there.  Their unconditional love for me is amazing.  I love you guys!

Being home is such a blessing.  Despite the fact that I feel extremely old and weak, I am feeling stronger each day.  I am taking every day just one day at a time.  It's all I can do.  I have a ton of thank you notes to write, because SO many people have been so generous to me.  Thank you for the cards, flowers, facebook comments, text messages, and phone calls.  I struggle with talking on the phone lately.  I also am not up for a ton of visitors yet...  I will eventually want visitors!  I can feel that after these surgeries, I am moving in the right direction.  Before, I was not improving as much as I should have been, but now I feel like I am working my way up!

(Tarah painting my toenails... She is amazing!)

Now that I am home, I am praying things continue to improve.  Today is a great day and I am trying to live in the moment.  Please pray that the fluid stays away and the shunt does its job.  I am hoping to start chemo/radiation in a few weeks and continue to improve.  I appreciate all of you who are praying and thinking of me.  I want to make a shout out to my cousin, Kristen Jacobs or the future Kristen Snyder.  She is getting married tomorrow and I am really hoping to attend!  I love you, Kristen!  I love you too, Cory!  You are one lucky man! :)

With all my trust in the Lord,
Erica Jacobs