Double Whammy...

I am home and right now I am just so thankful.  I have been a ball of emotion for the past three days.  It is like everything I have been feeling for the last 7-8 weeks is now coming out in tears.  I've been crying at the tap of a hat.  I'm just going to say it...  I'm going through a lot and sometimes I just want everything to be back to the way it was.  I know some people are wondering, "Just sometimes?  Not all the time?"  Yes, sometimes...  I firmly believe that God is just prepping me for something even more amazing.  I believe that he has given me tons of blessings despite all this pain.  I believe he has brought my family closer together.  However, I miss looking like me and feeling like me.  I miss my hair.  I want to start my new job and meet my students.  I want to be able to get out of bed or a chair without feeling like an 80 year old.  I'm allowed to miss those things, but it will get better.  It will, I just know it will.  So many wonderful things have happened during this storm of stress and heartache.

This past week has really tested me and put me through the ringer.  The same day I left for the ER, I was feeling good!  I was feeling stronger and making gifts for my students!  I was working on these right before I had to go to the ER.  Aren't they cute?

THE LEAK:  Well anyways, it was September 18th and I was just sitting and watching T.V.  I had already showered and felt good and was wearing a head band.  During this time I did have the "jello head," but the doctors said as long as it didn't get bigger or leak, it should be alright.  As I was sitting there, I felt something wet on my head.  I lifted up my head band and I felt liquid coming out.  At first I thought, "Maybe my mom didn't dry my hair all the way!"  BUT... I ran to the restroom and took off the head band and yellow liquid started draining out of my front incision (a different area from the last leakage site).  I was disgusted and called my mom, because she had just run up town.  After calling my mom, I called my dad and he headed home from work.  I put the "feminine pad" head band back on and I will tell you... I was furious.  Anger.  Frustration.  Panic.  I threw a huge fit.  I knew how bad I wanted to leave the hospital after my last visit and I knew that it was not a good sign that my head was leaking!  My dad called some doctors and after some discussion we decided it would be best to go to the OSU Hospital ER.  

The ER:  As I've already said I did not want to have to end up in the ER.  I was in a really negative mood.  After our 2 1/2 hour drive to Columbus, we walked in to the ER and it was packed full.  People everywhere... Andrew and I and my mom and dad had to separate for a little while.  This ER was like Cedar Point or Disney World.  Great people watching opportunities.   A young mother was actually sucking her thumb when her daughter was running around the waiting room.  We arrived to the ER around 9ish and were admitted into JUST an ER room at 1:30 AM.  After some time in the ER room, I was checked out and two Neuro Residents drained the fluid in my head with a needle.  They took my fluid to test for an infection and wrapped my head up in a crazy-tight head gauze.  It was pulled half-way over my eyes and I couldn't see!  We were in the ER room until 5:00 PM of the next day (Sept. 19)!  

After being admitted to the hospital, we got a really nice room and were so thankful!  Tarah also arrived, which made me so happy.  Eventually, my Neurosurgeon visited me and informed us that he would need to perform another craniotomy to fix the dura in my skull and install a drain in the ventricle to help keep pressure off the dura so it would heal.  My Neurosurgeon suspected holes in the dura, which was what was allowing the fluid to leak and build up under my skin.  Finally, during this craniotomy he said he would determine if the skull bone was infected.  If it was, he would throw it away, fix the dura, and then at a later date he would install a plate over the infected skull area that he threw away.  After the Neurosurgeon left, my mom, dad, sister, Garrett, and Andrew were just relieved.  We had peace within us and knew that everything would be fine.  So, what did we do?  We ordered delicious pizza from Adriatico's Pizza.  It really was good and they delivered right to my hospital room. :)

Here is a diagram of a brain... to let you know where the dura is and of course the skull.  I had to research a little! :)

My 2nd Craniotomy:  On September 20th at noon I had my 2nd craniotomy.  I was ready for it and in full trust of God and of course, my Neurosurgeon.  He is not the same guy who removed the actual tumor, but I really like him and trust in his ability.  The surgery was 5 hours long (but felt like nothing for me).  I did extremely well during my surgery, but there were many holes in the dura (like he suspected) and some were pretty large.  He fixed those up and placed a temporary drain through the center of my brain to the ventricle to control the pressure in my brain for the next few days.  He wanted to see if my body would be able to naturally absorb the fluid on its own.  If not, he said they would have to install a permanent shunt in my head.  Also, during the surgery he determined my skull piece was NOT infected (Thank God) and he didn't have to throw it away and I won't need to have a plate there to cover it up.  That was a blessing!  Overall, it was a success!

Once I got back up to my ICU room, I wanted one thing.  One thing.  FOOD!  In particular, a Wendy's frosty.  I have become quite addicted to frostys.  They are so creamy and just feels good to eat.  So after eating ice chips, I got to have a small frosty... and then my dad got me another!  :)  I may have had 3 small frostys that night.  I am a solider when it comes to eating and drinking after surgery.  You have to give me a break though, before the surgery I hadn't eaten for many, many hours!  Steroids + Starvation =

The first picture is after my 2nd craniotomy.  The doctor wrote on my face to let him know which side of my head he was operating on!  The 2nd picture is Tarah and I before the craniotomy.  

I spent the rest of my hospital visit in the ICU.  It was tough, because there were visiting hours and stricter rules.  During the first few days in the ICU, I was hooked up to that temporary drain ventricle, which prevented me from leaving my bed at all.  I had to sit up at a certain degrees, which kept me at bed rest.  Bed rest is not fun.  Best rest means you are not getting stronger, you are hooked up to a bladder catheter, and you have to use a bed pan to have a bowel movement!  The bed pan was hard and very upsetting to me.  I struggled with it and cried when I had to use it.  You have to really humble yourself and just realize that there's no other choice.  It was really hard for me when I had a male nurse to help me with it too.  However, my favorite nurse (Kimmy) comforted me a lot with it and made me feel more comfortable.  Boy, could she tell good stories and crack me up during the whole thing!  She's a good nurse!  During the days when I was on bed rest and the doctors were observing how much fluid I was draining through the drain ventricle, my Neurosurgeon decided I would need a shunt installed.  He said my body was not absorbing the fluid fast enough and he feared the fluid would start coming back under my skin and "jello-head" would return!  See... he said that since my skin has been having fluid underneath it for so long, it is easier for the fluid to come back and easier to stretch out.  He also said they would be putting the shunt on the left side of my head (which is my side with hair), so he would have to shave part of my left side of the head.  He said I would just have hair on the back of my head.  After some time to think, I told him I just wanted him to shave all my hair off to be at the same length.  He agreed and I felt good about my decision.  I still feel good about it, even though it is hard. During my surgery, Andrew shaved his head so we will both have short hair!  We are going to race and see whose hair grows out faster.  He is so cute and sweet.  I'll have to take a picture of both of us together with our stubbles!  So, on September 22nd he said they were hoping to have the shunt surgery as soon as possible (like the 23rd or 24th), as long as the Infectious Disease doctors said I didn't have an infection.  The problem with putting a shunt in with an infection would be my shunt would become infected and then of course more surgery for me!  He told me I couldn't eat after midnight, just in case we had the surgery the next day.

(This is Andrew after he shaved his head and is testing out my new hat!)











The Waiting Game:  I'm all good when they tell me I can't eat after midnight, because I am going to sleep anyways.  However, when breakfast hours start to emerge... I get antsy.  It was even harder, because I didn't know 100% if I was going to have surgery today.  Was I starving myself for no reason!?  We kept trying to find out all day whether or not I would have the shunt surgery today.  Finally, the Neuro-Residents came in and told us that I was "scheduled" for 3, but the surgery wasn't 100% yet.  They were still waiting on the Infectious Disease doctors to let them know if there was any infection.  Well, finally the ID doctors gave the go ahead and said that no bacteria cultures were growing!  Yay!  I was on for surgery, but didn't know exactly when.

The Shunt Surgery:  I had the shunt surgery on Septemeber 23, 2013 at 5:00 PM and it lasted until 7:00 PM.  This was an interesting surgery.  By far the most painful I've had (yet it was supposed to be the quickest and simplest)!  Before the surgery, they told me they weren't going to put me under as much anesthesia.  I wasn't worried, but something happened at the end of the surgery.  I'm not sure if they took the air tube out while I was waking up or what, but I was in a panic.  They took me straight to my room after the surgery, but the entire time I thought I was at a beach party and was shot.  I had pain in my abdomen, where they made an incision... but in my after-surgery panic, I thought I was shot on the beach.  When I saw this nurse practitioner that I really liked, I thought she saved my life.  I was crying so hard and in a complete panicked state!  After calming down and realizing I was out of surgery, safe, and not shot... I was still in a lot of pain.  The abdomen incision was really, really painful!  Here is a diagram of what the shunt looks like and it explains why I had to have an incision in my abdomen!

After calming down from the surgery, I got to see my favorite nurse before she left her shift.  She hugged me and gave me an after-surgery present.  It was a delicious chocolate cupcake, buckeye treats, and something else I forget that I ate as soon as I was allowed.  Again, I had some ice chips and my parents, Tarah/Garrett, and Andrew got me a Wendy's frosty. :)  Then, they got me another one.  My Neurosurgeon told them he didn't think I would be able to eat, but ohhhh I did!  He said the surgery went great and the shunt was installed!










Recovering for the shunt surgery has been tough.  The incision in my abdomen was very sore for the first few days (and still is, but getting a ton better).  He had to cut through muscle, which has made it hard to move.  My body feels like it has aged 50 years or more and I am just working my way back to ME!

On September 24th, I was able to get out of bed!  I'll be honest, I was in a lot pain with my ab incision... but it was amazing to be able to move.  I had to get x-rays and that was pretty painful to move.  The good news was that my Neurosurgeon told us we would probably be able to leave tomorrow!  Unfortunately, I had an extremely rough night.  It was the first and only night my parents/Andrew all slept over at Andrew's apartment.  I really wanted all of them to get a good night's rest!  When I was first assigned to my night nurse, I thought he was really nice.  He did have a very nice/professional way about him.  Once my parents left though, I just felt like he was saying things to me that were upsetting me.  I had to pee a lot throughout the night... a lot.  I asked him if I could use the actual restroom and he said yes to the first two times, but then made me use the commode (portable toilet) the rest of the night.  If you know me, I hate the commode and I felt like I was was building strength walking to the the actual restroom.  Out of embarrassment of using the restroom so much I said, "I don't know why I'm peeing so much..."  He said, "I would suggest not drinking water for the rest of the night."  I couldn't believe he suggested that, because I just had surgery and I am supposed to drink water!  Next, this nurse asked me if I was feeling any pain.  I said a little in my abdomen incision, but I told him I was struggling to sleep, because my mind was racing.  I have been prescribed a medicine to help with anxiety for the time being (with what I've been going through).  I asked him if I could take this medicine and he said, "I think you need to just hold off on that medicine.  You need to learn to use natural coping skills to calm yourself down and go to sleep."  He shamed me!  I was sickly upset because of this.  I felt like he was not doing his job and putting his opinion in places it doesn't belong.  I pray he doesn't do this to other patients.  It isn't a good feeling and I hope God talks to him.  Early on the morning of September 25th, about six Neuro-Residents came into my room.  They took off my head gauze and the gauze covering my abdomen incision.  It was shocking!  I was so emotional to see myself shaved for the first time with huge incisions on my head.  I cried a lot... it is hard to look so different.  I can handle the shaved head, but my puffy face makes it 10x harder.  However, I keep praying and telling myself... this is temporary.  The swelling in my entire body will go away.  I have to go through this and I will look me again someday!  In that moment when I saw all the incisions, I lost it though.  Thankfully, another Neuro-Resident came back to cover up only the incisions. Therefore, right now, I have these white strips covering up my incisions.  I actually get to take them off today and wash my head with baby shampoo.

My Discharge Day:  It is tough to get out of a hospital.  It's a slow process and another waiting game.  My parents returned at 10:00 AM (visiting hours are awful).  You know how I was really upset after seeing my shaved head and from having a rough night with the nurse?  Well, I just cried all morning.  Throughout this entire experience, I have cried once in awhile.  I have my normal weak moments, but I don't think I've cried this much.  My parents were furious about the nurse and felt bad they left me.  I was glad that they got a good night's rest though.  Finally, after my dad started making things happen and talking to many people, they got the ball rolling with my discharge.  By dinner time I was discharged!!!  We met Andrew at Panda Express for dinner.  I was standing outside Panda Express with my parents, feeling very self conscious about my shaved head and bandages.  I will never forget the moment when I saw Andrew walking toward me with his shaved head.  He was full of smiles and looked at me like I was the most beautiful thing.  It brings me to tears that I've found Andrew.  He made me feel so much better and took away my insecurities.  Panda Express was enjoyable and then we went home.

This whole experience has brought my family so close.  When I say my family, I mean me, my mom, dad, sister, Andrew, and Garrett (my brother-in-law).  Our relationships are so strong and it is amazing. We have spent so much time together just supporting each other.  My mom and dad have gotten so close to Andrew, as well.  They were close before, but now it is undeniable.  Tarah and Garrett have just been so committed to my recovery and have been there every step of the way.  My mom and dad are completely amazing.  Every step of the way they have been there.  Their unconditional love for me is amazing.  I love you guys!

Being home is such a blessing.  Despite the fact that I feel extremely old and weak, I am feeling stronger each day.  I am taking every day just one day at a time.  It's all I can do.  I have a ton of thank you notes to write, because SO many people have been so generous to me.  Thank you for the cards, flowers, facebook comments, text messages, and phone calls.  I struggle with talking on the phone lately.  I also am not up for a ton of visitors yet...  I will eventually want visitors!  I can feel that after these surgeries, I am moving in the right direction.  Before, I was not improving as much as I should have been, but now I feel like I am working my way up!

(Tarah painting my toenails... She is amazing!)

Now that I am home, I am praying things continue to improve.  Today is a great day and I am trying to live in the moment.  Please pray that the fluid stays away and the shunt does its job.  I am hoping to start chemo/radiation in a few weeks and continue to improve.  I appreciate all of you who are praying and thinking of me.  I want to make a shout out to my cousin, Kristen Jacobs or the future Kristen Snyder.  She is getting married tomorrow and I am really hoping to attend!  I love you, Kristen!  I love you too, Cory!  You are one lucky man! :)

With all my trust in the Lord,
Erica Jacobs

Baby Steps and My Update

My week so far has been looking up!  Each day I feel a little stronger... a little.  It is frustrating, because I have SO much I want to do, but my body won't let me.  

This weekend my sister stayed with us and has been helping out with my wedding like crazy.  I like it when she gives me little tasks to complete... it makes me feel useful and little more like my old self.  I have most of the wedding to-dos checked off, but she has been helping me with the programs, my invitations, and even making homemade bridal shower invitations.  She's incredible.  I don't know what I'd do without her.  The wedding programs are going to be homemade and they are ADORABLE!  They will be a lot of work, but well worth it.  On the wedding check-list side of things I already have the church, reception site, DJ, and photographer.  Thankfully I took care of all of that before this craziness began. My goals are to finish the guest-list, meet with the the florist, deal with my "special wedding cake," and have Andrew figure out the limousine stuff.  (Andrew- hint hint :))  This wedding is going to be a celebration and a day I want to soak up every inch.  Andrew and I will have been through a lot by the time we get married, so I think we will really appreciate the day.  I don't want to stress about the small stuff... I just want to marry my best friend!  Another thing I am looking forward to is wedding dress shopping.  I have looked at SO many dresses online, but I haven't been able to try any on.  Since I've gained so much weight (due to the steroids and my insane appetite), I am going to wait until my body goes back down to it's more typical size to dress shop.  I am so excited to try on dresses though!  :) 

Good News: My radiation/oncology doctor is tapering me off the decadron (the terrible steroid) very slllooowwwlly.  It's still good news though.  So, now I am taking 2 mg less at night and he said if I react well to it, I will continue that until I am off completely.

(This was before my 3rd admission to the hospital... was not expecting it!)

(This was after my 2nd surgery to reduce the fluid... with my love of course!)

Anyways, after my relaxing weekend at HOME (Amen), I began to get a little anxious about going back to Columbus on Monday for my mask fitting appointment.  Not because I didn't want to get my mask fitted, but because I have this fear that I'll be admitted into the hospital again.  It is hard on me and my family/Andrew when I am in the hospital.  Especially at the James Center Hospital... I kind of got attached to Mount Carmel, so that was an adjustment.  I lay in that hospital bed so much that my body weakens ten times more!  I can't imagine what it would be like if I was all alone though.  My parents, Andrew, or Tarah/Garrett are there the entire time.  I mean the ENTIRE time.  It's amazing and really keeps me going.  

Well, luckily I wasn't admitted into the hospital on Monday!  Thank you, God!  My mom, dad, and I drove to the OSU James Center and arrived there at about 3:00 PM.  The waiting room offers water/juice, apples, Ritz Bitz cheese crackers, and more.  I really like it... they must know that some of us are on steroids! :)  It seemed like we waited for a really long time.  As I sat there in the waiting room, I looked at all these people and wondered what they are going through.  Do they feel the same way as me?  Do they have a support system or not?  Are they scared?  Are they far into their treatment?  What is their prognosis?  You know... I don't know my prognosis and I don't want to know my prognosis.  God is in charge and I trust him.  I could google statistics and the glioblastoma multiforme survival rate, but those are just statistics.  Every case is different and no one has ever had the same case as me, Erica Jacobs.  I am my own story and I have a peace about my survival.  I plan to marry Andrew and have kids someday.  I am not going to hang on to some number that will just discourage me and lead me away from trusting God.  Trusting God is key for me right now.  It is the only way I am getting through this and not worrying my life away.  

I do know how to get off topic, now don't I?  Well, back to my appointment.  When I was taken into my appointment, my mom and dad asked to watch for a little bit.  I laid down on this large machine, which looked like a CT machine (maybe it was).  They took this semi-gooey, holey mask and stretched it across my chest and face.  They made it really tight to my face and then put me in this machine and it hardened.  Luckily, I am not claustrophobic and can handle things like this.  While the mask was being put on me, my dad asked if he could take a picture of me with it on (Yes, he would... that is Terry for you).  The lady said no he couldn't, which to be honest I was a little disappointed.  However, she said I could keep my mask when my radiation treatment was completely finished.  I found a picture online of what my mask sort of looks like.  It is even green!

The purpose of me wearing a mask during my radiation is to keep my head in the exact same placement for each radiation treatment.  Since I have fluid in my head and it may change, I will probably have to have another mask made.  He said it wasn't a big deal and didn't seem concerned about the fluid in my head this time.

The next good news is I found out when I start chemotherapy and radiation.  I start September 24th!  My chemo will be administered through pills and both chemo/radiation will be 5 days a week for 6 weeks.  After those 6 weeks, I am pretty sure I have a month off and then I'll begin more intense chemo.  (I THINK...)  My doctor said that different people react differently to the chemo/radiation, so I should wait and see to how I react before even thinking of going back to work.  My goal is to be able to work during treatments, but I do know I can't push myself too hard.  With this infection I have had, I am weak.  It has put me back a lot and I know I have a lot to build up to.  There is nothing more I want than to be able to be in the classroom everyday, but I need to be patient.  

To let my students (who I have never met before) know I am thinking about them, I have been working on this little gift for them.  I will post a picture of it when I finish them!  I really hope they like them.  Also, I want to thank the teachers who have been helping the sub plan lessons!  You have taken so much stress off me... I don't know if I could handle planning at this point!  God bless you amazing teachers.  

My final good news on Monday was that my parents and I met Andrew at Olive Garden for dinner!  YUM!  Now if that doesn't make your day better, then what does?  

Today was a pretty good day.  I was a little more tired than usual, because of the big trip to Columbus yesterday.  However, I made a few little trips out of the house.  This is a big deal.  After getting cleaned up and visiting with Rebecca (our amazing family friend who brought me APPLES today), my mom and I went to Dollar General.  I had to buy starbursts and a few other materials for my student gifts.  I'll be honest, I felt like an old lady by the end of the trip there.  My back and feet were aching terribly.  I'm pretty sure it is because of all the meds I'm on and the fact that I've been hospitalized three times!  Afterwards, we made a quick trip Haslinger Orchards for some of their incredible apple cider.  When I say incredible... I mean it.  Also, I got a visit from my neighbors Lori, Gary, and Betsy.  Thank you, Betsy for the inspirational book and the Mary Kay goodies.  It was really kind of you.  So, that was my day... full of baby steps that are helping me to get stronger and stronger.  I just need to keep taking it one day at a time and not push it too much.  I tend to want to push it.  

Also, I just want to give a shout out my Uncle Jim, Aunt Cindy, and Andy... You guys are amazing and I am praying for you all the time!  I love you all!  

My friend, Jess posted this to my Facebook and I was inspired.  Thank you, Jess!

"Make up your mind that no matter what comes your way, no matter how difficult, no matter how unfair, you will do more than simply survive. You will thrive in spite of it."

(This is a book that Kathy got me and Donald bought me the "Believe!"  I Believe!)

With all my trust and faith in the Lord, 

Erica Jacobs

Counting my Blessings

I have so many thoughts bubbling out of my head... so this may be a crazy long post with lots of random thoughts. :)

There are a lot of good people in this world.  I remember before all this happened I would have more negative thoughts about people and the world we live in.  Don't get me wrong... I know there are bad people and bad things that happen.  That's just life.  If anyone has ever listened to Joyce Meyer, she preaches that ANYONE can have a bad attitude, but if you choose to count your blessings, then you will be a much happier/positive person.  I've been counting my blessings each day.  Since finding out I had a brain tumor, I believe God has opened my eyes to a world of blessings.  It is amazing how something like this can make things seem so much clearer.

I remember right after I had my brain tumor taken out I was doing really well.  My spirits were high, I was feeling good, I had my family/loved ones surrounding me.  As my mom, dad, and Andrew were just sitting there talking to me, a male nurse randomly walked in my room.  He said, "Here is a card for you... a little girl just dropped it off."  When he handed me the card, I was in shock.  It was a beautifully  handmade card by one of my former Lima students.  I stopped the nurse and said, "Wait... how did she know I was here?  Did she drop it off?"  He replied, "Yeah... she just dropped it off and her parents were with her.  Do you want me to see if they're still here?"  Of course, I said YES!  I was so excited, yet nervous, because it would be hard to explain why I was in the hospital.  My mom combed my hair quickly and we put on a hat.  Sure enough, a few minutes later, in walks that darling student and her mom and dad!  They all gave me hugs and I told them about the situation.  They were amazing and couldn't believe it.  They told me how much their daughter loved me, as a teacher and how sad she was that I wasn't coming back to teach at her school.  I asked them how they knew I was here and they said my old principal told them.  They said they have family around this area and they were grocery shopping and decided to stop by!  Wow... blessing?  Yes.  I hope to tell that student how much she brightened my life that day.  When she left, I felt so much pure happiness.  This is how I described it to my family:  During the movie The Grinch, when the Grinch's heart explodes from tiny to big... that is what I experienced.  It was such an incredible moment.  That is why I am a teacher, so that I can make a difference and inspire students.  

Other blessing(s) I have experienced are the nurses and doctors.  In particular at Mount Carmel East.  God placed three very special nurses in my life during my stay there.  Don't get me wrong, I think just about every nurse I had was amazing, but these three were angels.  The first nurse was Ericka and she was literally my first nurse.  She took care of me the night I found out I had a brain tumor and into the morning of my surgery.  She was so kind and thankfully she requested to have me as her patient many more times during my trip there (and my 2nd trip).  She was there when I found out the pathology of my tumor and calmed me down when I was really upset.  My last day in the hospital (my 2nd stay), I was having a "steak n' shake" attack.  It was all I was talking about and I wanted a Frisco Melt.  Even though her shift was up and she was tired, her and another nurse ran to Steak n' Shake and bought me a Frisco Melt along with a gift card for the future.  Now if that isn't going above and beyond for someone out of the goodness of your heart, I don't know what is.  Let's put it this way... after that Frisco Melt, I was in Frisco-Coma.  Ericka- you are an amazing person and nurse and I consider you a friend!  :)

The next amazing nurse I had was Jess.  She reminds me a lot of my friend Katie, so instantly I really liked her.  She's very sweet and so friendly!  I met her briefly before my surgery and my cousin, Kristen told me she was so concerned that she visited during the surgery to see how everything was going.  I remember her even visiting after the surgery in the ICU.  As a nurse, she took such great care of me and just got to me know me-- vise versa.  She put me in a prayer chain at her church, as well.  She brought me a milkshake when I was having a "milkshake" attack, which were very common!  haha  She bought me a comb and brush from the gift store.  I'm telling you... I couldn't have had it any better!  I even got a visit from her on her day off.  Jess- You are special and have a gift of being a nurse.  Thanks for being such a great person and a friend!  (This is Jess and I below on my departure)

The final amazing nurse was Malia!  It took me awhile to pronounce her name correctly, but it rhymes with Maria.  She was such a sweetheart and had such a compassionate way about her.  I didn't get to have her as a nurse as much as Jess and Ericka, but she sure did a great job.  I got to know her, as a person and she is passionate about what she does.  You can always tell who the people are that have love their job.  Thanks, Malila for being an incredible person and nurse!  

At my recent stay at the OSU James Center, I had three nurses who stood out to me as well.  I just want to give a shout out to Becky, Grace, and Amy!  You girls were wonderful and helped me through my difficult times.  I have so much respect for amazing nurses!  

Speaking of more blessings, are all the people who are sending me cards!  They still keep coming and I appreciate all of them!  I received one particular gift in the mail that I truly believe will heal me.  To give you the back story, a former co-worker/ current friend gave me a call last week.  Last year, this former co-worker and several other teachers (myself included) would get together once a week and pray after school.  Over the phone, she told me a personal story about her daughter and a health problem that she was struggling with.  One of the other teachers decided to turn to God and took a handkerchief to church and had it anointed with oil.  Several people prayed over it and then brought it back to my friend's daughter.  Her daughter wore it over the area that was having health issues (i'm not sure how long).  When she went back to the doctor for a MRI, the health issue no longer existed.  She expected her daughter to be healed and she was.  With that story said, after she called me, she told me that her and the other teachers prayed over the handkerchief and it is anointed with oil for me to sleep with at night.  She told me the word "expect" keeps popping up in her head and she expects me to be healed.  Yesterday, when I arrived home from the hospital, I immediately went to the mailbox and there it was!  Oil saturated through it and all! :)  I opened it up and wrapped up was the handkerchief and a large printed sheet of paper that said EXPECT.  We hung the paper up in my kitchen to remind me that I am expected to get better.  I have been wearing the handkerchief ever since and I believe God will make miracles happen.  I would count this as a blessing!  

Another blessing is my cousin, Kristen.  She is getting married September 28th to a great guy named Cory.  A while back she asked me to be a bridesmaid.  I am so honored and I love her so much.  When all this happened at the beginning of August, I didn't think it would impact me being in her wedding.  I really didn't.  I was even able to make cupcakes and attend her bridal shower!  However, after the infection and this 3rd hospital visit I realized it may be too much for me to be in the wedding all day.  I am so weak and my body isn't working the way it used to.  Today I had my sister talk to her, because it was too hard for me to tell her.  She was so supportive and made me feel perfectly alright about it.  What a beautiful and loving bride/cousin.  She is a blessing!  Kristen, I love you dearly and appreciate you understanding.  I don't want you worrying about me on your day!  I will be there cheering you on and watching you marry your love!  (Kristen with Maya)

Another blessing... my future brother-in-law, Zach started a prayer chain at the school he is student teaching at!  How amazing is that.  I love you, ZG!

I'm also thankful for my Uncle Jim, Aunt Cindy, Cousin Andy, and their amazing dog, Buddy.  They are a blessing to me.  Right now, my Uncle is going through rehabilitation.  He has cancer, broken bones, and an infection.  He knows what it is like to go through something like this.  He is strong and I know he will get through this.  I always think of him when I need strength, because I know he has a lot of it.  I'm sure it isn't easy for him or Cindy/Andy... but with God anything is possible.  God has a plan for him and I can feel it.  I love you Jim, Cindy, Andy, and Buddy!  I'm hoping I get to see Buddy tomorrow. hehe  

My other blessings are my family and fiancé, Andrew (Jacobs, Webb, Guess, Dickensheets)... you guys are my LOVES!  What would I do without you!?!?!  

My number one supporter is GOD!  Thank you, Lord for teaching me to trust you and develop a better relationship with you.  You've awaken the real me!

With all my trust in the Lord, 

Erica Jacobs

3rd Hospital Stay... Please be the last

Well, the first two stories of my first two hospital stays are going to have to be postponed, because I just finished my THIRD hospital stay.  The other two admissions to the hospital were definitely more dramatic and painful; however, this one was trying to get to the bottom of why my head keeps filling up with fluid.  To be descriptive, it feels like part of my head is filled with jello. I call it "jello-head." It doesn't hurt, but the doctors are worried to move forward with radiation treatment planning with it there.  Here is how my eventful week began!

On Monday, my sister, mom, and I had an appointment at the OSU James Center for a MRI.  I had to take a ton of Prednisone (steroids... the medicine that makes me crazy-psycho hungry) before hand, so that was pretty difficult.  I am allergic to the contrast for the MRI, so that is why I had to take so much of it.  We drove to Columbus and got that taken care of.  MRI's don't bother me too much, since I am not claustrophobic, but the sounds that machine makes can scare me a little.  I had the nicest MRI technician.  He was quite the jokester, which always makes these things more entertaining.    Anyways, after completing the MRI, the technician said I had to drink 5 bottles of water throughout the rest of the day.  Since we knew we had another doctor's appointment, we crashed at Andrew's apartment for the night.  I literally crashed the rest of the day.  The only time I woke up was to see Andrew and to eat Panda Express.  Key word: eat.  My dad drove down to Columbus too, because I had a Radiation/Oncology appointment the next day.

On Tuesday, my mom, dad, Andrew, and I went to the OSU James Center again and met with my Radiation/Oncology doctor.  He started talking about the plans of fitting me for a mask while they do the actual radiation therapy.  He said he wants it very tight to my face, because the area where they will be treating is so close to my eyes.  In our appointment, we told him that my head had been filling up with fluid (remember jello-head) and it actually started leaking a little.  So, my mom had created this feminine napkin head band, so that I wouldn't be walking around with a wet head.  It was very fashionable and I think I may have started a new trend... :)  Too much information?! haha  Anyways... my doctor was really concerned about the leaking and about making a mask for me when the fluid in my head has been changing so much.  That is when he decided to have me admitted into the hospital and get this whole fluid situation figured out.  I stayed for THREE days in the hospital.  I met with infectious disease doctors, tons of nurses, neurosurgeons, blah, blah, blah!  Did we find out why I have fluid in my head still?  No.  However, they seem to be semi-confident that if I finish out my anti-biotics for the next two weeks, I will be okay.  Also, they said that if my head stays "jello-like," or goes down, that is good.  BUT... if the fluid starts building more pressure and getting larger, then we will have to look into another surgery. He said that could mean the dura could be infected, which is not good at all. It would also be really bad, because radiation would be put off for months.  With glioblastoma multiforme, you don't want to put off chemo and radiation.  It is aggressive and I want to kick its butt as fast as possible... which I plan to do without a doubt!

Here is some good news though!  The MRI I had done on Monday looks great.  It is clear and no tumor is growing back.  It is the microscopic cells that the doctors are worried about, because there was no  guarantee that my neurosurgeon could get them all during the tumor removal surgery.  Also, I got my staples out of my head today!  YAY!  It didn't hurt too bad... just some hair pulling.

Yes, I am out of the hospital now.  I was desperate to get out.  I mean desperate.  I woke up sad and just missed home.  Things I appreciate about home are the food, the showers, the bed, my dog, the television, not having to get a nurse every time I have to use the restroom, not being woken up in the middle of the night multiple times, and just the feeling.

I'll be honest, emotionally, today was rough one on me.  I have gained about 20 pounds in one month and I can't do anything about it.  I know I shouldn't care and I know it is the steroids, but it is hard to see such a drastic change in my body.  I keep asking God to fill me with peace about it.  He does and reminds me that it will go away and I am beautiful inside and out.  I think what makes "my looks" such a huge deal is because I am getting married in June 2014!  I want to look like me... Erica!  I think I will get back to me by June.  It also helps that my very smart and compassionate fiancé tells me I am still beautiful.  Phew... I must have attracted him enough with my personality to keep him around! :)  One thing I have been standing strong on is my faith and trust in God.  Some days I struggle more, but he is why I have strength and he is why I am fighting to stay so positive.  I truly believe God has a plan for me.  I am not sure what it is, but I feel that this experience is preparing me for it.  It's like I HAVE to go through this in order to fulfill my life purpose.  I'm all in it and he is leading the way.

So with all that said, I have had another whirlwind of a week.  I appreciate those of you who are reading my blog.  I enjoy getting my feelings out and of course keeping you updated on my status.  I want to thank my Mom, Dad, Andrew, Tarah, and Garrett for being with me every step of the way.  What would I do without you?  Thanks to the great nurses at OSU James Center (in particular Becky, Grace, and Amy).  Finally, thanks to Kathy for taking care of Cooper!  :)

Here is a picture during my first hospital stay at Mount Carmel East.  This was pretty fresh after the brain tumor was removed.  This is when my amazing teacher friends from Perry visited.  It was WONDERFUL!  Thanks Penny, Polly, Amy, and Shirley!  Love you ladies!

With all my trust in God,

Erica Jacobs

Hungry... Help!

Today was a good day for me.  I made guacamole and I wrote a lot of thank you notes.  It made me feel useful, rather than a slug in bed.  I'll be honest, I was really tired after making the guacamole.  Tarah bought three avocados that were too hard, so it just made the job a little frustrating.  It is okay Tarah... it still came out delicious!  The little tasks in life that were easy for me before are just taking a little longer to do.  I can't wait to start taking longer walks and bike rides!

Lately, I have been moody.  The pharmacist says it is normal with how much extreme medication I am on.  Most of my "mood fits" revolve around me feeling lazy and food.  Like I mentioned in my last post, I am on a steroid to relieve brain swelling.  Well, it is helping with that, but it is making me hungry.  Not just h-u-n-g-r-y, but if someone doesn't get me want I want... I might explode into a million pieces.  For instance, most people who know me, know that I am a donut addict. If you put a box of donuts in front of me, I can eat them all.  (This is why Andrew and I are having a donut wedding cake... we are sickos). Well, on this beautiful Sunday morning my "hunger" woke me up.  It was screaming, "IDEAL BAKERY DONUTS!"  With little self-control and knowing how amazing my family is, I tiptoed up the stairs at 6:00 AM to my sister's bedroom and asked her if she wanted to go get donuts.  The light sleeper my mom is woke up, too. Woops...  Let's put it this way, Tarah is a ball of goo for me since I've had brain surgery.  She will literally do anything for me in a snap (She's a saint). My mom will too, but she knows how guilty I feel after shoving my face with donuts.  Next thing I knew, Garrett, Andrew, and my dad were all up contemplating if we should make an early trip to Ideal Bakery... just for me.  What a spoiled brat I am!  After me actually CRYING... yes... crying, I suckered my dad, sister, and Garrett to make a run to Ideal Bakery.  I would like to remind you that I am on MANY medications. :)  Thank you.  I think Andrew thought the whole ordeal was funny, but he went back to sleep.  Poor guy... what is he getting himself into?  

I did get my donuts and I enjoyed every second of eating them.  I did show my appreciation to them, as well.  My dad even gave me his second donut.  What a good man.  The reason I tell you this pathetic story is because steroids make you CRAZY.  One minute you can be laughing and the next you can be snapping at someone.  The hunger is what is getting the best of me.  It is swelling me up like a balloon... Haha.  Hopefully I won't have to be on this medicine for too much longer. 

Speaking of the steroid though, tomorrow I have to take a BIG dose of it, because I am getting an MRI.  I guess I am allergic to the dye they put in me, so this will help it.  My mom, sister, and I are driving to OSU to get this MRI done.  It is going to help the brain tumor specialists decide exactly what route of treatment I will need to take.  It's amazing, because on Thursday about twenty of the smartest brain tumor doctors will be meeting to talk about my specific situation!!!  That doesn't happen to everyone.  I will go into more detail about my finalized treatments when I have the actual finalized word! 

So, as I make my way to Columbus tomorrow, please pray for a safe trip and good news on my MRI.  While I just released my stresses about my crazy moods and eating, I am in most ways VERY positive and at peace.  I read my daily devotionals that inspire me to be dependent upon the Lord and to completely trust him.  It is a day by day process that can be hard.  When I have my moments of weakness, I just pray to Him and trust that he knows what is best for me.  I have this unwavering feeling that he has a lot in store for me in life.  I want to make a difference.  In what way, I am not sure... but I am trusting that if I continue being dependent on God, he will guide me there!  

Thank you for all your comments and prayers!  I am not sure how you subscribe to this blog, but I'll look into it.  

Much Love to all of You and thank you God for giving me all this strength and trust! However, Lord... please help me to have a little more self-control when it comes to food.  Amen.

One day at a time...

With Love, 

Erica Jacobs

P.S. My next post will probably talk about my hospital stays and all the blessings that happened at Mount Carmel East.  :)

The Progression...

Yes, it is 3:10 AM and I am sitting here writing to you all.  With all the medication I am on, it can be hard to sleep throughout the entire night.  My ankles and knees ache from this antibiotic IV that I'm on. Ouch!  Another side effect with all the medication I am on is extreme hunger, weight gain, moon face, and just a whole lot of face swelling.  I don't look like myself and it is one of the hardest parts to cope with.  I want off steroids!!!  PLEASE!!!

In my last post I told you I wanted to tell you how my entire journey began.  This is good for me to write about.  Sometimes it is easier to write about than it is to talk about.  

The Progression of my Migraines

Let me make this clear-  I have never been a person who gets many headaches and/or migraines.  While I was teaching in Lima, I didn't get headaches very often; maybe unless I had a stressful day.  Once Summer hit, I decided to move home with my parents in Woodville and just relax and organize my life!  I worked my butt off during my first year of teaching, so I felt I had every excuse to be a little lazy!  However, during mid to end July 2013 I realized I was feeling increasingly lazy and tired.  What I mean by this is I was napping all-the-time!  I would wake up at 6am, eat breakfast, go back to bed, wake up at 11:30-noon, and sometimes lounge around longer.  I'm a goal oriented person and  I like to complete daily tasks, so this was a little off for me.  HOWEVER, in my mind I thought, "Oh, Erica... You worked so hard at Perry... soak it up, because you will be starting your new job in Columbus soon."  

Simultaneously, at the end of July I started having pretty painful headaches.  They weren't all day headaches, but short blasts of pain that involved leg numbness and sometimes arm numbness.  Some may ask, "Why in the world weren't you more concerned?"  My answer to that is I just didn't take it seriously at first.  They were short blasts of pain and I figured they were migraines.  In early August, my sister, Tarah and I went to the Venetian Spa in Levis Commons and I had two episodes of these migraine/numbness blasts.  That is when I began to get concerned.  Another red flag occurred when my fiancé and I couldn't make it through a long shopping trip at Westfield Shopping mall and I almost vomited on the way home.  I spent the rest of that weekend in a dark room with the curtains closed and LOTS of sleep.  That is when I called my family doctor and had a doctor's appointment scheduled for August 5th.  My doctor examined me and said they were probably migraines, but just to make sure he scheduled me for a CT Scan at St. Charles on Friday August 9th.  I never made it to that CT Scan appointment.  

The Day I Found Out

I was not expecting to find out on August 7th that my life would forever be changed.  Today was a big day for me though.  It was the day I would get the keys to my apartment in the Hilliard, Ohio area and I had to turn in my tax papers for my new teaching job at Galloway Ridge Intermediate.  All morning I was feeling really tired and unmotivated to get moving.  After running a bit late, I got my butt out of the house and said good bye to my mom and Rebecca (her friend).  The first 45 minutes to an hour were alright.  See, I don't like driving that much anyways... but it was manageable.  Then, at some point I started feeling really nauseous, tired, and I had an ongoing headache.  To be honest, I am lucky to be alive, because the rest of the drive was a mix between a haze and a panic.  At three different points, I pulled off the rode with a bucket ready to throw up in.  Too much information?  Sorry.  The last stop I made was at a McDonald's in Delaware, Ohio.  I took two Excedrin Migraine, ate a banana, and bought two of those small apple packets at McDonald's.  Then, I bought an orange pop to maybe help calm my stomach.  I was also really struggling with the sunlight.  I kept squinting my eyes and I didn't want to wear sunglasses, because they pinched my face too much.  I decided to put a blanket over my head in McDonald's parking lot and take a nap.  I napped for about 25 to 30 minutes and decided to continue my drive.  I really wanted to get to my new school's administration building, because they needed my tax papers and I had to get fingerprinted.  However, I realized I wasn't going to make it and I wasn't going to make it to my new apartment.  That is when I made the decision to stop in Gahanna at my fiancé's apartment and just get safe and under the covers.  I wanted to HIDE from the sun and I wanted a place to just throw up if I needed to.  Throughout this entire car ride nightmare, I was on the phone with my mom.  She was talking me through it and was worried sick.  Poor mom... I'm sorry for doing that to you.

Thank the Lord I made it to Andrew's apartment.  I made sure to tell Andrew about my car ride and that I was now at his apartment.  I remember getting out of my car, leaving my GPS plugged in and all my luggage in "Oldsie (My nickname for my saturn station wagon)."  Then, I shakily walked up to his door and unlocked it.  When I got in I locked the door (I wish I hadn't after I did).  Now, something you must know about Andrew's apartment is there are lots 'o steps!  Take a look at this picture. 

So, yes... in my condition I was a little worried about making it up the steps.  Sure enough, as I was making my way up the steps, my entire body collapsed.  I couldn't move my arms or legs and I just slid back down to the last step.  (Ignore this if you get grossed out easily)  Because... I started throwing up on Andrew's last step.  Why couldn't I have done it on the linoleum?  I'm not sure, but my body didn't have a lot of say in it.  My body was like a slug just helpless and BLAH!  Thankfully again, I had my cell phone and called Andrew.  I told him I was laying in his door way (had puked), and I needed him to call 911, because something was REALLY wrong.  Immediately, he left work and called my dad, who then called 911.  In the meantime, Andrew called his mom and she jumped in her car and drove from Dayton to Columbus!

While I was waiting for the EMS, I decided to climb the ruthless steps.  I made it up and crawled into Andrew's bed and covered my face up with his blankets.  That is when I realized the door was locked and the paramedics wouldn't be able to get into his apartment.  I called Andrew and told him to call his apartment complex to explain the situation and unlock the door.  He did, but the man who worked at the complex knocked on the door instead of unlocking the door.  Miraculously and in quite a daze, I walked down the stairs and unlocked it for him.  He asked if I was alright and if I wanted him to wait with me for the EMS.  I told him no and said thanks anyways.  I'm telling you this was such a weird portion of my day.  I don't even know what I was doing!  Better yet, I went BACK upstairs and crawled in bed.  Next thing I knew it, the EMS knocked on the door.  I remember thinking, "You've got to be kidding me!"  So, I grabbed my purse and answered the door.  Yes, I Erica Jacobs, who had just collapsed and threw up had to answer the door to the paramedics.  As soon as I climbed in the EMS, Andrew arrived and decided to follow behind to Mount Carmel East Hospital.  As the paramedic was taking my vitals, he told me it just seemed like I was having an anxiety attack.  He asked me if I was going through anything stressful or anything new.  I replied, "Well yes, I just got a new job in Columbus, I'm recently engaged, and I am supposed to move into my new apartment today."  He gave me this look and said, "Are you sure you want to go to the hospital?  All they are going to do is give you a CT Scan."  That is when I made the decision of just going to Mount Carmel East.  I figured I was supposed to get a CT Scan on Friday... why not a few days earlier.

When I got to the Emergency Room, it was really nerve racking and uncomfortable.  I was shaking out of coldness and nervousness.  Andrew and Laura (Andrew's mom) sat with me and tried to calm me down.  I don't remember a whole lot, but I do remember getting a CT Scan and an MRI.  Not sure how much time had passed me by, I was sitting in a small curtained room with Andrew, Laura, nurses, and Dr. Mullin, a neurosurgeon.  I just remember him saying that the scans did not come back normal and that I had tennis ball sized mass in my right frontal lobe.  Did I react?  No.  I just remember looking at Laura and Andrew.  Andrew had no expression and Laura had tears rolling down her face.  Me... nothing.  I could have said something, but I honestly don't remember.  Dr. Mullin continued to tell me that the mass looks smooth and it is in the best location possible.  Basically  he said if he had to put a tumor in my brain, this would be the best location.  I remember looking at Andrew, my fiancé, my best friend, and the person who loves me so much.  I asked him, "Am I going to die?"  I will never forget the look on his face... he shook his head no, but I knew he didn't know.

My next concern were my parents.  How were they going to handle finding out their daughter had a brain tumor!?!?!  If anyone knows my parents, they are my foundation and love me with all their hearts.  My parents were already driving down to Columbus when I was in the ER.  It is a two hour drive, so they were in a mad scramble.  My dad said they found out I had a tumor when they were in Fostoria and they prayed the entire rest of the way.  When my parents got to the ER, that is when we started talking about brain surgery.  With Dr. Mullin's 25 years of experience and excellent reviews, we decided to have him go through with the craniotomy the next day.  My dad made sure to tell him that I am "precious cargo."  It was a running joke for him to tell EVERYONE that I was.  Oh dad...

I spent the rest of the night soaking in what was happening to me.  Was this real?  Was I going to die?  However, that is where I found God.  I prayed, prayed, prayed and prayed some more.  I was blessed with an amazing night nurse, Ericka, whom I consider a friend now.  She comforted me and made me feel better.  My parents slept in the hospital chairs and Andrew slept on this little couch.  Laura went to sleep at Andrew's, so that she could come back refreshed the next day.

God was with me the entire time.  God gave me a positive attitude.  God gave me strength to handle everything that I had learned that day.  God had just opened up a new door to our relationship.  God has given me plenty of blessings since August 7th.

With all my Trust in the Lord,

Erica Jacobs