3rd Hospital Stay... Please be the last

Well, the first two stories of my first two hospital stays are going to have to be postponed, because I just finished my THIRD hospital stay.  The other two admissions to the hospital were definitely more dramatic and painful; however, this one was trying to get to the bottom of why my head keeps filling up with fluid.  To be descriptive, it feels like part of my head is filled with jello. I call it "jello-head." It doesn't hurt, but the doctors are worried to move forward with radiation treatment planning with it there.  Here is how my eventful week began!

On Monday, my sister, mom, and I had an appointment at the OSU James Center for a MRI.  I had to take a ton of Prednisone (steroids... the medicine that makes me crazy-psycho hungry) before hand, so that was pretty difficult.  I am allergic to the contrast for the MRI, so that is why I had to take so much of it.  We drove to Columbus and got that taken care of.  MRI's don't bother me too much, since I am not claustrophobic, but the sounds that machine makes can scare me a little.  I had the nicest MRI technician.  He was quite the jokester, which always makes these things more entertaining.    Anyways, after completing the MRI, the technician said I had to drink 5 bottles of water throughout the rest of the day.  Since we knew we had another doctor's appointment, we crashed at Andrew's apartment for the night.  I literally crashed the rest of the day.  The only time I woke up was to see Andrew and to eat Panda Express.  Key word: eat.  My dad drove down to Columbus too, because I had a Radiation/Oncology appointment the next day.

On Tuesday, my mom, dad, Andrew, and I went to the OSU James Center again and met with my Radiation/Oncology doctor.  He started talking about the plans of fitting me for a mask while they do the actual radiation therapy.  He said he wants it very tight to my face, because the area where they will be treating is so close to my eyes.  In our appointment, we told him that my head had been filling up with fluid (remember jello-head) and it actually started leaking a little.  So, my mom had created this feminine napkin head band, so that I wouldn't be walking around with a wet head.  It was very fashionable and I think I may have started a new trend... :)  Too much information?! haha  Anyways... my doctor was really concerned about the leaking and about making a mask for me when the fluid in my head has been changing so much.  That is when he decided to have me admitted into the hospital and get this whole fluid situation figured out.  I stayed for THREE days in the hospital.  I met with infectious disease doctors, tons of nurses, neurosurgeons, blah, blah, blah!  Did we find out why I have fluid in my head still?  No.  However, they seem to be semi-confident that if I finish out my anti-biotics for the next two weeks, I will be okay.  Also, they said that if my head stays "jello-like," or goes down, that is good.  BUT... if the fluid starts building more pressure and getting larger, then we will have to look into another surgery. He said that could mean the dura could be infected, which is not good at all. It would also be really bad, because radiation would be put off for months.  With glioblastoma multiforme, you don't want to put off chemo and radiation.  It is aggressive and I want to kick its butt as fast as possible... which I plan to do without a doubt!

Here is some good news though!  The MRI I had done on Monday looks great.  It is clear and no tumor is growing back.  It is the microscopic cells that the doctors are worried about, because there was no  guarantee that my neurosurgeon could get them all during the tumor removal surgery.  Also, I got my staples out of my head today!  YAY!  It didn't hurt too bad... just some hair pulling.

Yes, I am out of the hospital now.  I was desperate to get out.  I mean desperate.  I woke up sad and just missed home.  Things I appreciate about home are the food, the showers, the bed, my dog, the television, not having to get a nurse every time I have to use the restroom, not being woken up in the middle of the night multiple times, and just the feeling.

I'll be honest, emotionally, today was rough one on me.  I have gained about 20 pounds in one month and I can't do anything about it.  I know I shouldn't care and I know it is the steroids, but it is hard to see such a drastic change in my body.  I keep asking God to fill me with peace about it.  He does and reminds me that it will go away and I am beautiful inside and out.  I think what makes "my looks" such a huge deal is because I am getting married in June 2014!  I want to look like me... Erica!  I think I will get back to me by June.  It also helps that my very smart and compassionate fiancé tells me I am still beautiful.  Phew... I must have attracted him enough with my personality to keep him around! :)  One thing I have been standing strong on is my faith and trust in God.  Some days I struggle more, but he is why I have strength and he is why I am fighting to stay so positive.  I truly believe God has a plan for me.  I am not sure what it is, but I feel that this experience is preparing me for it.  It's like I HAVE to go through this in order to fulfill my life purpose.  I'm all in it and he is leading the way.

So with all that said, I have had another whirlwind of a week.  I appreciate those of you who are reading my blog.  I enjoy getting my feelings out and of course keeping you updated on my status.  I want to thank my Mom, Dad, Andrew, Tarah, and Garrett for being with me every step of the way.  What would I do without you?  Thanks to the great nurses at OSU James Center (in particular Becky, Grace, and Amy).  Finally, thanks to Kathy for taking care of Cooper!  :)

Here is a picture during my first hospital stay at Mount Carmel East.  This was pretty fresh after the brain tumor was removed.  This is when my amazing teacher friends from Perry visited.  It was WONDERFUL!  Thanks Penny, Polly, Amy, and Shirley!  Love you ladies!

With all my trust in God,

Erica Jacobs