Time is flying!

It is almost November and I don't know where the time has gone.  I keep thinking how much my life has changed from last year.  I miss my coworkers so much from Perry and I miss my students.  I've been writing with several Perry students, which I LOVE! Unfortunately, I haven't gotten to know my new students, so I don't write to individual students at Galloway.  Last year was my first year of teaching.  I put everything into being a teacher there... everything.  Sometimes I stayed at school until 8 or 9... and everyday I took my work home and worked late.  It was hard, but I loved my students and I had awesome coworkers.  Cory (my co-teacher) and I helped each other through our first year of teaching and had lots of laughs...  This year, I feel as if I'm stuck.  Instead of meeting my new coworkers (who have been incredible since I was diagnosed) and my new students, I am sitting at home and going to treatments.  I understand that I have to take this time for me, but it's hard.  I was thinking about my students last year.  By this time of the year, I knew them extremely well.  Their interests, dislikes, strengths, and weaknesses.  This year, I've never met my students.  Last year, during Halloween, I had so much fun with my kids.  My coworkers and I dressed up as nuns (well Cory was the Priest) and I enjoyed it so much.  In fact, I was not any ordinary nun, I was a vampire nun.  The kids got a kick out of that, because they knew my obsession with vampires!  :)  I guess dressing up as a vampire nun for the kids really got me thinking about what I'm missing with my new kids.  I love doing those goofy things!  Thankfully, I am doing better and will eventually start teaching again.  There is always next year.

Earlier this week, two teachers from Galloway Ridge Intermediate came to bring my family and me dinner and to meet me for the first time.  First of all, the fact that teachers are signing up to make us meals is incredible.  They are angels!  The two teachers that visited, Sarah and Rhonda were very nice.  It was great to finally build connections with a few of my coworkers.  It really has made me so excited to begin working there.  Such an amazing comradery exists there and I believe God placed me there for a reason.  Galloway Ridge Intermediate teachers, please know my family and I are so appreciative for all that you have done for us, including making us meals.  Perry Peeps: I miss all of you and think of you often.  My former coworkers- Thanks for all the support, as well!  I miss you guys!

As I mentioned earlier, time is just flying by.  August through September had many ups and downs with my health.  Yes, I had many blessings that I mentioned in earlier posts, but it was tough. I was in and out of the hospital and not improving with my health.  I was on strong antibiotics that had to be given through my PICC line.  I had fluid under my skin (jello-head) and at times had to wear a feminine napkin on my head (ughh).  I was on steroids that made me insanely and viciously hungry and have puffed me out a bit.  On the other hand, October has been filled with improvements.  My shunt is working properly to keep the fluid from building up under my skin.  My incisions are healing and I am getting stronger.  I am off the steroids and very slowly deflating.  I don't have to take antibiotics through my PICC line; in fact, I don't have a PICC line!  I have started treatments and the side effects are minimal!   October is hopefully just the beginning of my progression to being 100% healthy.  All along I have remained faithful that God is by my side and he will get me through this.  Thank you, Lord!

Before talking about an inspirational person that has strengthened my faith that there is a God and a heaven, I will update you on my chemo and radiation treatments.  

Update:

I have officially completed thirteen days of chemotherapy and nine days of radiation treatments.  The side effects are minor, which I am so thankful for.  The chemotherapy causes most of them.  I am super sensitive to smells and I don't have a huge appetite.  It's a big change from my raging appetite!  One night, my mom made pizza and Andrew likes bacon on his pizza.  I could not stand the smell!  It made me feel sick.  Another smell that is bothering me right now is coffee, which I usually love.  During my radiation, I seem to smell straw or something.  The technician said sometimes people think they smell something, because the radiation is triggering something in the brain.  Another side effect I am having is a little more tired, but it is nothing drastic.  Also, I have an upset stomach once in awhile.  On Wednesday I received my third new mask.  It is tighter, more uncomfortable, and it has a mouth guard. This mask will allow my head to align with the CT scans and the mouth guard ensures I will position myself in the mask the same way.  Thank you to those of you who have been asking how treatments are going!!!  Also, thanks to my Aunt Christie, who drove from Chicago to visit my family and me this weekend.  It was so great to spend some time with her and my grandparents.  She also bought me a fitbit wristband and some other goodies.  The fitbit counts how many steps you walk and calories you burn etc.  It is pretty neat!  I love you, Christie!

Yesterday, my parents and I were watching CBS News and it talked about Ben Breedlove, an 18 year old who died of a cardiac arrest, due to a serious heart condition.  Throughout his life he had near death experiences.  A few times he talks about his experiences in heaven and a feeling of overwhelming peace.  You should definitely watch the CBS clip and then Ben's youtube videos he created a few days before he died.  It is pretty inspiring and just confirms there is a better place after we die.  I believe God had me watch this to strengthen my faith and trust in him!  What a strong and inspiring young man!  I had to watch it a few times, because it was so amazing!  Here are the links!

http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-3445_162-57609174/ben-breedloves-video-message-of-an-afterlife/ 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tmlTHfVaU9o

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a4LSEXsvRAI

God Bless everyone and thanks for your continued prayers!!!

With all my trust in the Lord, 

Erica Jacobs

Starting Treatment

* Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. Prov. 3:5&6 *

I have learned when things are going extremely well in your life, it is easier to stray away from God.  Before August 2013, I believed in God, but didn't have a strong relationship with him.  I didn't depend on him.  I remember after I graduated from BG (in May '11) I began my job search for a teaching job.  Yes, I prayed, but I didn't cast my cares to the Lord... I was a mess, a roller coaster.  I would get an interview, go to the interview, worry for weeks, and become disappointed with being turned down.  It was a cycle that happened many times, because I was turned down many times. When I realized I had to substitute teach for a year, I thought I had failed.  However, after subbing I realized that I benefited a lot from being in so many different classrooms.  The next Summer I was the same exact way... a roller coaster of emotions, until I was blessed with a job at Perry.  I learned that I grew a ton from teaching there and I had the chance to make a difference in my students' lives!  Again, throughout those two years, I believed in God and prayed to him, but I didn't fully trust in him.  Since August 2013, when I found out I had a brain tumor, I have begun learning how to trust in him (It is the only way I have stayed so positive and hopeful).  It hasn't been an easy journey, but I'm working on it.  Lately, satan has been causing me to worry about the brain tumor coming back years down the road.  Sometimes I will let my mind wander and think of different scenarios.  That is not trusting in God and not living day by day.  If I was Erica from two years ago, I wouldn't have even acknowledged that I wasn't trusting in God and I would make myself sick by worrying!  I have made strides in my relationship with God and I strongly believe that just like my substituting experience and my job at Perry, this journey will have a purpose.  I'm a work in progress! :)

Last week (10/7-10/12) was an amazing week for me!  My best friend from high school, Ann flew in from California for a short visit.  With Ann, it is like no time has passed when she visits!  On Wednesday she came over and we hung out.  We talked for hours... it was wonderful.  Then, on Friday I had a short visit from a high school friend named Abbie!  She brought me over a beautiful quilt that she made.  It is so special and I am so thankful for people like her that care about me!  She even sewed on a cross and the brain cancer awareness ribbon!  Thanks Abbie!  My other high school friend, Cassie, who has become one of my closest friends, came over.  Once Ann arrived to my house, we went to check out Cassie's new house!  We ate Pisanello's Pizza and again just talked and talked and talked...  

My weekend was really special, as well.  On Saturday, my family and I visited my Uncle Jim, who is fighting cancer and healing from a broken leg.  We went with my incredible Aunt Cindy and cousin Andy (Jim's wife and son).  I will tell you... seeing Jim was a relief.  His spirits are up and he looks great!  I think a lot of people feel relieved after seeing me too.  They imagine me to be bed ridden and when they realize I'm walking around pretty well and i'm the same old Erica, they are relieved.  Stay strong, Jim!  I love you!  After visiting Jim, my parents, Tarah, Garrett, Cindy, and Andy went to the Apple Butter Festival in Oak Harbor.  It was a lot of fun to spend time with Cindy and Andy.  We have all been through so much, so it was nice to let loose at the Apple Butter Festival.  When I say "let loose," I mean we ate the greasiest and most fried foods possible. haha!  Every time I go there, I scope out the corn dog stand.  They are hand dipped and fried!  :)  I had two... plus a little bit of an apple dumpling... oh and a grilled corn on the cob!  It's once a year, so I had to indulge!  Cindy and Andy-  I love you both so much!  You guys are strong and will get through this tough time!  We can all lean on one another!

By Sunday I was a zombie... from all my visits during the week and my outing on Saturday.  BUT... when Monday rolled around I was back in business.  First, my newly wed cousin, Kristen stopped over.  We chatted it up, since we really haven't hung out since late August.  She also gave me the cutest bridesmaid gift (even though I couldn't actually be a bridesmaid).  It is my face and name painted on a wine glass.  It is adorable!  Then, she got me a purse stuffed full of goodies.  (Thank you, Kristen.  I love you)!  Right after Kristen left, my friend Amy arrived!  Amy is my good friend that I met at BG.  My sweet Amy brought me hand-made crocheted winter hats.  They are adorable and I know I will use them, because my shaved head will get cold during the winter months!  (Thanks Amy)!  

Tuesday was a big transition day for me.  It was a quite overwhelming, but exciting!  First, I had a dry run of radiation.  I basically got to experience what radiation will be like without getting the treatment.  When my mom and I arrived at the  James Center, I got called into the appointment really quickly.  I was taken into a big room with huge equipment and lasers.  I laid down on flat and literally hard as a rock board.  Right away my anxiety sky rocket, because one of the technicians was looking at one of my incision scabs (a piece of my scab ripped off).  She said she is worried about the area where the scab ripped off, because the radiation can interfere with the healing.  She sent the other technician to get my Radiation-Oncologist doctor.  When he came in, he commented on the shiny-oozy stuff on the scabbed area.  My heart dropped and then I remembered I had put Neosporin on that area earlier in the day!  I told them and he said it should be okay.  I was very relieved, because it could have potentially put off my chemo and radiation!  Next, they strapped my mask on and it was extremely tight.  The technicians told me that they would be taking a picture of my positioning in the mask to see if it aligned with the CT scans.  This will allow them to radiate the correct area.  It is really important that it is exactly aligned, because the area they are radiating is close to my optical nerves.  At the appointment, they had to reposition and take four separate pictures since my face wasn't exactly in the correct position in the mask.  It felt like it took forever, especially laying on that board.

The next part of my day was moving into Andrew's apartment.  Most of my belongings were already moved to Andrew's in August, so we didn't have to worry about that.  Until we know how I will react to the chemo and radiation, my mom will be living with Andrew and I.  I am so thankful for her!  She is driving me to my appointments, helping me recover, and keeping me company while Andrew is at work! :)  After getting settled in, my mom, Andrew, and I went to El Vaquero.  I am telling you, ever since my first craniotomy in August, I crave mexican food all the time!  It's the weirdest thing!  It was a good way to finish a big day!  

Today and yesterday were the real deal.  Both days (and every day for 6 weeks) my mom woke me up at 5:30 AM to give me anti-nausea medication.  I am supposed to take that one hour before I take my chemo pills.  Then, at 6:30 AM I took Temodar, my chemotherapy pills.  I'm supposed to take these two hours before my radiation treatment, which is at 8:30 AM.  On Wednesday, after a rainy and scary drive through Columbus traffic, we arrived to my radiation appointment.  It took about 20 minutes and all I saw was the machine moving around me, a blue light, and my rock hard "bed"moving at different angles.  The same thing happened today.  While all of this is going on, my mind races.  I am a little scared of what this radiation is doing to me.  I know that it is damaging both the good and bad cells in my brain, but the good cells usually heal.  I also know they've taken precautions to not damage my optical nerves.  I think it is the fact that the radiation is damaging good cells too that makes me nervous.  
Today we had to go back to the James Center at 3:00 PM for a check up with my Neurosurgeon, Dr. Elder.  He picked at a few scabs, grossed my mom out, and was really happy with my progress!  He noticed how almost all the fluid has disappeared from my head.  Tomorrow I have radiation again, but I have to stay longer, because they are making a new and different kind of mask for me.  They don't like how mine is fitting right now, so I get an even tighter mask!  Afterwards, I am hoping to go to the Pumpkin Festival in Circleville with my parents and then to my hometown.  My dad and dog really miss us (I miss you guys too).  Surprisingly, my mom and I haven't scared Andrew away... he is actually coming with us this weekend!  He can't seem to get enough of us!  :)

I am a warrior.  I will get through this.  I have started the fight.  I will win.  I trust God has a plan for me.  I have the best support system.  God bless everyone who is praying for me.  

With all my trust in God, 
Erica Jacobs

Moving Uphill

First, I want to send my condolences to the Krumnow family.  Since I found out that Mayor Krumnow had brain cancer, he and his family have been in my thoughts and prayers.  I didn't know him personally, but I've heard he was a great man.

I hate cancer.  I mean it is a nasty disease and since I have been diagnosed, I have been hearing about it more and more.  I think when you have something or are affected by it, you become more aware of it.  My future goal is to pay it forward to someone who is suffering from cancer.  I want to help people/a person that are going through what I am going through.

My Update:  
Last Thursday I had two doctor's appointments at OSU.  My mom and I made the trip down, which is a miracle that we found our way there!  We are the blind leading the blind when it comes to driving directions.  First we met with my Infectious Disease doctor.  She told us that I would be done taking my antibiotics the next day (Friday).  This is a H-U-G-E  deal, because I've been taking these extremely strong antibiotics for about a month and a half.  She also said my PICC line could be removed from my arm on Monday.  The PICC line was inserted into my peripheral vein in my upper arm and extended to a central vein in my chest.  This is great news, too, because it was just hanging out of my arm and well it made me look "sick."  It was just one more thing people stared at me for.  However, the main reason why I was happy about this was because every time I bathed my mom would have to wrap my arm.  This was not a professional wrap, but good ol' press 'n seal wrap with medical tape wrapped around the edges to make sure water didn't get in.  Then, after my bath I would have to rip the tape off my skin and pull the sticky press 'n seal off my skin.  There is nothing like tape being ripped off skin! Ouch!  Anyways, after my first appointment I went to my Neurosurgeon's appointment.  Just to let you know, if you are looking for a personable and highly skilled Neurosurgeon, Dr. James Elder at OSU is the way to go.  Out of all my doctors, he is my favorite!  Right away he said my head incisions look great, except he was a little worried about where there were scabs.  He said I could start taking showers and I needed to be a little more aggressive washing my head (We were being very gentle).  Then, he started taking out the sutures from my incisions.  I was really nervous at first, but it didn't hurt at all.  My mom was covering her eyes and making weird faces the entire time.  Finally, I asked about the effects of the steroids.  He said it was normal to gain weight and that it would eventually come off.  He also recommended that I start trying to walk more.

I have written plenty of times about my weight gain and steroid use.  Out of the many obstacles I've been facing, this has been difficult for me.  I know I will look like me again, but for the time being, it is hard to look in the mirror and not look like myself.  I also have the pressure of having my wedding in June.  Every girl wants to look like herself on her wedding day!  My Neurosurgeon said my weight should be back to normal by my wedding, but I may have to work on it.  Phew... I can handle that!  Andrew isn't worried about it at all, which makes me feel A LOT better.  I'm too hard on myself... I know.  Everyone has their weaknesses and this is mine.  However, I keep praying to God that I find peace with the way I look for the time being.  The good news is that I am completely off the steroids.  My joints are extra sore and achey, but my hunger has quieted down.  My puffiness and weight haven't changed, but that takes awhile.  The bad news is that I may be put back on a low dosage of steroids during my radiation to prevent brain swelling.  Hopefully it is low enough that I don't swell. :)

On Friday I went to my cousin's reception.  Alana looked beautiful and it was a really fun reception.  She served pizza with a ranch fountain!  Also, she had a cheese and chocolate fountain.  It was really unique and quite delicious! :)  My cousin, Andy kept fetching me chocolate dipped food... I just couldn't help myself.  Congrats Alana and Todd!  You make a great couple!!!

On Monday, my mom and I made another trip to Columbus for two more doctor's appointments.  First we met with my Neuro-Oncologist.  He is in charge of my chemotherapy.  Since chemo/radiation has been put off due to all my fluid issues, he stressed that he wanted to start chemo/radiation ASAP!  Next, we met with my Radiation/Oncologist.  He set the start date for chemotherapy and radiation, which is October 16th!  We are going to have a practice/dry run on the 15th, but the real deal starts the 16th.  As difficult as I know it will be, I am excited to move forward.  I've had so many set backs and I'm just ready to get started!  Afterwards, I had a CT scan and another radiation mask was made for me.  See, since the fluid in my head (jello-head) is gone, the mask no longer fits tight enough.  Therefore, I was re-fit and it was really tight!  They gave me my old mask to take home.

I really feel like I am improving daily.  It is hard to get around, because I'm so swollen; however, I am getting around a lot easier.  I told my mom that it feels like I have another body tied to my legs and I am dragging it around!  A little weird, but that is how it feels.  Sunday- I walked five minutes on the treadmill; Monday- I walked a ton at the OSU hospital and tackled Andrew's apartment stairs 2 times!  Tuesday- I walked 10 minutes on the treadmill and walked up the stairs.  I'm pretty proud of myself!

Today is exciting, because my amazing friend, Ann is in town!  She currently lives in California, so I'm really excited to see her.  Hopefully I'll be able to see her a few times.  Ann and I go WAY back and it is always like no time has passed when I see her!

Again, thanks to everyone who is praying for me!  I'm still receiving so many thoughtful cards, flowers, and gifts!  I appreciate it so much!

With all my trust in God,
Erica Jacobs
 

One Day at a Time!

This was a gift from our family friends Kathy Porath and Donald Knowles!  Thank you!

One day at a time.  One day at a time.  This is what I keep repeating to myself every single day.  Something I used to do a lot is worry about things days, weeks, months, or even years into the future.  Andrew can vouch for me on that.  It doesn't make any sense!  Now don't get me wrong, I have my many moments, but I think by learning to trust in God, he has allowed me to be happy one day at a time.
My 6th grade teacher (who just so happens to be one of my favorite teachers growing up), who is fighting cancer, has reached out to me.  She told me that she wakes up happy every single day.  She has been a huge support and inspiration to me!  I've learned it's a choice to wake up and be happy.

I don't want you to think I'm living in rainbows and cotton candy... (My steroids would enjoy the cotton candy part haha).  However, something I have found to help me is my little morning routine (I just started doing this, so it isn't really a routine yet). Right when I wake up, I read my daily devotional and I pray.  I always pray to be positive and to have a good day.  I also pray to have a good night, because that is where I struggle the most.  Finally, I tell God that I trust him and working to trust him even more.  I tell him that I love him, I love myself, and I thank him for helping me through this situation.  I've done this since yesterday and let me tell you, I feel GOOD!

I started doing this after watching Joyce Meyer.  She does something similar to this everyday.  The reason I started doing this was because since getting home from my last hospital stay, I have been having decent days, but REALLY rough nights.  It would hit around 6:30 PM and I would become negative and very agitated.  If anything didn't go right, I would freak out.  If I dropped my phone... BOOM... I'd get mad.  If someone said something wrong... BOOM... I'd snap.  Also, I would start itching and getting stomach cramps.  In particular, on Monday I became very worried and upset about not being able to work.  I want to meet my students and get to know my coworkers.  I was a mess.  Monday night was not pretty.  After my new routine, Tuesday went fantastically.  All day I wrote thank you cards, which I LOVE doing.  At night, I had some itching and stomach cramps (from the medicine), but my attitude was a lot better.  When I thought I was about to freak out, I prayed.  I struggled to get to sleep a little bit, but once I was out, I was all good.  Thank you God for helping me.

So, today marks the day that I've been home from the hospital for a week.  At this point I was still in the hospital, but I got home later in the day last week.  Last Thursday, I felt like an 80 year old lady... maybe older.  I could barely sit up in bed and get out of one of my low couches.  Bathing was stressful and more work than I cared for.  Fast forwarding to today, I have accomplished a lot!

First, on Friday I had an act of kindness occur in my life.  Laura Strong, a fellow townsperson and Woodmore alumni, who is fighting breast cancer and WINNING... dropped off a bag of goodies for me.  She lent me an inspirational book that helped her, a journal, m'n'm's, a few hats that are really cute, and a Dammit doll, which cracks me up.  It is this little doll that is meant to slam against something if you are having a bad moment.  Laura- I've already used it! :)  She told me not to write her a thank you note... so I'll just say thank you on here!

Next, I went to my cousin's beautiful wedding on Saturday.  As you all know, I wasn't able to be in her wedding like I was supposed to be.  However, I actually was able to go and she listed me as her honorary bridesmaid!  I was honored!  It was an amazing wedding and she looked gorgeous!  One worry I had before going was the way I looked.  Not many people have seen me with all this steroid weight and with my shaved head.  It was scary; however, God must have been with me, because I had a peace about it.  I didn't really worry about what people thought of my weight and shaved head.  I just keep telling myself that it is temporary... the weight will come off, once I'm off the steroids and my hair will grow back!  I think this is one of my biggest struggles and something I have to tell myself OVER and OVER!  (Here are a few pictures from the wedding!)

Anyways, I wasn't sure if I would be able to attend the reception, but I did.  The food was delicious and it was fun to see some of the wedding festivities and family.  However, "sundowner" Erica hit a wall at about 7ish.  I just got really tired and very emotional.  That is when we decided to leave.

The next day was pretty rough.  It kind of felt like I was hit by a truck.  So, for most of the day I was in bed napping or just watching T.V.  Kristen and Cory's wedding was totally worth going to, though.  It was nice having Tarah, Garrett, and Andrew home for the weekend.  On Sunday, Tarah worked a ton on my bridal shower invitations.  She's making them ALL homemade!  She has a Cricut machine and is working so hard on them.  Andrew watched the Browns game, while I napped and I watched a tiny bit of it.  Go Browns!  I kind of snapped at him sometimes, because he would jump up and start shouting.  It scared the crap out of me!

Yesterday and today have been great days!  Good news... I am tapering off my steroids.  Soon I will be off them completely.  Unfortunately, I may be put back on a light dosage during radiation.  I am feeling a little (and when I say little, I mean a little) less hungry.  Another milestone is I walked up and down a flight of stairs for the first time since my last two surgeries.  It was slow, but I accomplished it and was proud.  I am going to do it again today!  My Neurosurgeon said to not yet push things to 100%, but rather 80%.  I would estimate that in one week's time, I feel like a 70 year old.  Maybe next week I will feel 60!

Tomorrow I will be meeting with my Infectious Disease doctor and my Neurosurgeon.  So, another trip to Columbus and I get to see Andrew!  My Neurosurgeon may take out some of my sutures, if they look ready.  Yes, instead of staples, I have sutures!  I like them better... we have to keep that fluid in my head and from leaking!  Staples just didn't do the job!  The shunt is actually the real reason why my head is NOT filling up with fluid (no jello-head) and not leaking.  Thank you, shunt!  My Infectious Disease doctor is going to let me know when I can get off these antibiotics.  I am on extremely strong antibiotics and I'm ready to be off them.  One of them has been giving me stomach cramps like crazy, especially at night!  Please pray everything reports back normal and I am given the go ahead to start chemotherapy and radiation in 2 weeks!  Let's keep moving forward! :)

I will give you an update ASAP after my appointments tomorrow... not sure if it will be tomorrow!  Thank you again to everyone who is sending me their thoughts and prayers, as well as cards/flowers!  God Bless you all!

With all my trust in the Lord,
Erica Jacobs