This weekend my sister stayed with us and has been helping out with my wedding like crazy. I like it when she gives me little tasks to complete... it makes me feel useful and little more like my old self. I have most of the wedding to-dos checked off, but she has been helping me with the programs, my invitations, and even making homemade bridal shower invitations. She's incredible. I don't know what I'd do without her. The wedding programs are going to be homemade and they are ADORABLE! They will be a lot of work, but well worth it. On the wedding check-list side of things I already have the church, reception site, DJ, and photographer. Thankfully I took care of all of that before this craziness began. My goals are to finish the guest-list, meet with the the florist, deal with my "special wedding cake," and have Andrew figure out the limousine stuff. (Andrew- hint hint :)) This wedding is going to be a celebration and a day I want to soak up every inch. Andrew and I will have been through a lot by the time we get married, so I think we will really appreciate the day. I don't want to stress about the small stuff... I just want to marry my best friend! Another thing I am looking forward to is wedding dress shopping. I have looked at SO many dresses online, but I haven't been able to try any on. Since I've gained so much weight (due to the steroids and my insane appetite), I am going to wait until my body goes back down to it's more typical size to dress shop. I am so excited to try on dresses though! :)
Good News: My radiation/oncology doctor is tapering me off the decadron (the terrible steroid) very slllooowwwlly. It's still good news though. So, now I am taking 2 mg less at night and he said if I react well to it, I will continue that until I am off completely.
(This was before my 3rd admission to the hospital... was not expecting it!)
(This was after my 2nd surgery to reduce the fluid... with my love of course!)
Anyways, after my relaxing weekend at HOME (Amen), I began to get a little anxious about going back to Columbus on Monday for my mask fitting appointment. Not because I didn't want to get my mask fitted, but because I have this fear that I'll be admitted into the hospital again. It is hard on me and my family/Andrew when I am in the hospital. Especially at the James Center Hospital... I kind of got attached to Mount Carmel, so that was an adjustment. I lay in that hospital bed so much that my body weakens ten times more! I can't imagine what it would be like if I was all alone though. My parents, Andrew, or Tarah/Garrett are there the entire time. I mean the ENTIRE time. It's amazing and really keeps me going.
Well, luckily I wasn't admitted into the hospital on Monday! Thank you, God! My mom, dad, and I drove to the OSU James Center and arrived there at about 3:00 PM. The waiting room offers water/juice, apples, Ritz Bitz cheese crackers, and more. I really like it... they must know that some of us are on steroids! :) It seemed like we waited for a really long time. As I sat there in the waiting room, I looked at all these people and wondered what they are going through. Do they feel the same way as me? Do they have a support system or not? Are they scared? Are they far into their treatment? What is their prognosis? You know... I don't know my prognosis and I don't want to know my prognosis. God is in charge and I trust him. I could google statistics and the glioblastoma multiforme survival rate, but those are just statistics. Every case is different and no one has ever had the same case as me, Erica Jacobs. I am my own story and I have a peace about my survival. I plan to marry Andrew and have kids someday. I am not going to hang on to some number that will just discourage me and lead me away from trusting God. Trusting God is key for me right now. It is the only way I am getting through this and not worrying my life away.
I do know how to get off topic, now don't I? Well, back to my appointment. When I was taken into my appointment, my mom and dad asked to watch for a little bit. I laid down on this large machine, which looked like a CT machine (maybe it was). They took this semi-gooey, holey mask and stretched it across my chest and face. They made it really tight to my face and then put me in this machine and it hardened. Luckily, I am not claustrophobic and can handle things like this. While the mask was being put on me, my dad asked if he could take a picture of me with it on (Yes, he would... that is Terry for you). The lady said no he couldn't, which to be honest I was a little disappointed. However, she said I could keep my mask when my radiation treatment was completely finished. I found a picture online of what my mask sort of looks like. It is even green!
The purpose of me wearing a mask during my radiation is to keep my head in the exact same placement for each radiation treatment. Since I have fluid in my head and it may change, I will probably have to have another mask made. He said it wasn't a big deal and didn't seem concerned about the fluid in my head this time.
The next good news is I found out when I start chemotherapy and radiation. I start September 24th! My chemo will be administered through pills and both chemo/radiation will be 5 days a week for 6 weeks. After those 6 weeks, I am pretty sure I have a month off and then I'll begin more intense chemo. (I THINK...) My doctor said that different people react differently to the chemo/radiation, so I should wait and see to how I react before even thinking of going back to work. My goal is to be able to work during treatments, but I do know I can't push myself too hard. With this infection I have had, I am weak. It has put me back a lot and I know I have a lot to build up to. There is nothing more I want than to be able to be in the classroom everyday, but I need to be patient.
To let my students (who I have never met before) know I am thinking about them, I have been working on this little gift for them. I will post a picture of it when I finish them! I really hope they like them. Also, I want to thank the teachers who have been helping the sub plan lessons! You have taken so much stress off me... I don't know if I could handle planning at this point! God bless you amazing teachers.
My final good news on Monday was that my parents and I met Andrew at Olive Garden for dinner! YUM! Now if that doesn't make your day better, then what does?
Today was a pretty good day. I was a little more tired than usual, because of the big trip to Columbus yesterday. However, I made a few little trips out of the house. This is a big deal. After getting cleaned up and visiting with Rebecca (our amazing family friend who brought me APPLES today), my mom and I went to Dollar General. I had to buy starbursts and a few other materials for my student gifts. I'll be honest, I felt like an old lady by the end of the trip there. My back and feet were aching terribly. I'm pretty sure it is because of all the meds I'm on and the fact that I've been hospitalized three times! Afterwards, we made a quick trip Haslinger Orchards for some of their incredible apple cider. When I say incredible... I mean it. Also, I got a visit from my neighbors Lori, Gary, and Betsy. Thank you, Betsy for the inspirational book and the Mary Kay goodies. It was really kind of you. So, that was my day... full of baby steps that are helping me to get stronger and stronger. I just need to keep taking it one day at a time and not push it too much. I tend to want to push it.
Also, I just want to give a shout out my Uncle Jim, Aunt Cindy, and Andy... You guys are amazing and I am praying for you all the time! I love you all!
My friend, Jess posted this to my Facebook and I was inspired. Thank you, Jess!
"Make up your mind that no matter what comes your way, no matter how difficult, no matter how unfair, you will do more than simply survive. You will thrive in spite of it."
(This is a book that Kathy got me and Donald bought me the "Believe!" I Believe!)
With all my trust and faith in the Lord,
Erica Jacobs
Keeping up with you on here and thinking about you often. You are strong and always so positive! Praying for you, lady, and I'll know you'll be back up and at it before you know it!
ReplyDeleteHi Erica, You are thriving in your journey with brain cancer and your walk with God. Those baby steps are taking you to your goal of getting through this time. You and Andrew are in my prayers. Donna
ReplyDeleteHi Erica, it's Angie from Zumba in Gibsonburg! You are in my thoughts and prayers. The Lord has blessed you with such strong faith, hope and love. You, my dear, are an inspiration to all. Please know that you have my support, love and prayers. I look forward to the day you put your dancing shoes on again! Please keep me posted and if there is anything I can do to help, please let me know. I will do my best. With love, Angie
ReplyDeleteKristen- Thank you so much. I really do appreciate your prayers and thoughts. It is so nice to know I have people looking out for me.
ReplyDeleteDonna- Sometimes the baby steps seem extremely small, especially this last week in the hospital, but overall I think my recovery has taken some big steps. We are really praying that this fluid problem is HIStORY! :) Again, thanks for your prayers, love, and support! :)
Angie- Thank you so much for reaching out to me! I appreciate your prayers and that you think I'm an inspiration. I want to let you know I WILL be back in your zumba class dancing away! The only thing I can ask of you right now is to continue praying and if my orange water bottle is still in the fridge! I never got to come back to pick it up. If you could hold on to it for me, that would be great!! :)
Much love to all of you,
Erica
Hi Erica. I work with your father and have been following your progress via text message updates. Your dad gave me the blog link today and I have to say that I am absolutely floored by your faith and general outlook on life. You are such an inspiration!
ReplyDeleteI was particularly drawn to these few sentences, "As I sat there in the waiting room, I looked at all these people and wondered what they are going through. Do they feel the same way as me? Do they have a support system or not? Are they scared? Are they far into their treatment? What is their prognosis?" To be dealing with your own personal struggle, yet still have the compassion and empathy to consider others' feelings is phenomenal. You should be proud of yourself. Keep doing what you're doing and keep listening to God.
Take care,
Olivia Dillehay